Send my Prayers.

As most of you may have already heard, Japan was hit by the Tsunami. It also hit Hawaii. I saw it and I was working when the tsunami hit Japan.

I saw the news and it was called the pacific tsunami.

It makes me think. What the hell I am doing.

I know I said it before...but the world is so big to me now. Many things are happening while I was there in front of my desk, talking to ungrateful people, talking to my colleagues...sitting there. Safe.

While, there were people we were running away... trying to save their lives and their loved ones at the same time.

I saw the news and noted that this was prepared for. It was anticipated and the government have evacuated everyone they can.

The last I saw the news, the death poll was 32.

All this happenings made me wonder what God's message is. Live your life now and give back whenever you live?

It's a question that never get answered because I believe that God know that his children will figure out something from what he's trying to say.

I feel like I am in a literature class.

I pray for those who were there when the disaster happen. I'll pray for you and your family. And I pray for all those who survive to be save...and for those who have loss to find the one they love soon.

And for those who died, I hope you be in a place where peace and loves overflows.

The Girl On The Side

Do you remember me?
I see the way you look my way
Well, I remember you
Oh yes, I do.

Let's go back in time
A time that once was
Everything passed your lovely eyes
Even me, Even me.

Remember those time
The girl on the side
Who cheered you on
Who gave you her time
And embrace your faults.

She sat there alone
You came by her side
Without thinking twice
You tell her about
Finding the one
With that brilliant smile.

You remember those time
She smiled with her eyes
But what you didn't see
Is the cracked in her smile
The break of her heart
Was hidden well.

The girl on the side
Seemed so happy
To see you find love
She smiled everytime
and said
It's a beautiful world

You came up to me
clearing your doubts
"The girl on the side?"
I looked up and smiled
"That's right."

New Bands

So the K POP scene is something that is always REFRESHING and EXCITING. Why? Because they never fail to come out with cool bands and AWESOME chreography.





So I have always been a big fan of some of the 'older' group. For example is (none other) SHINee. They've been in the industry for almost 3 years. Debuting in March 2008 although I have only known them for a year and I am already waiting for their comeback (Which I hope is soon).





I realize I tend to catch up on things really fast. Like how I catch up on Twilight just because I found it by chance. I read all the 3 books within a week and became one of those people waiting for the last installment.





OK... So now, I am digressing but I was tying to make a point.





Anyways, since I have become a fan of the 'older' groups such as SHINee, Big Bang, 2NE1, Beast (although not so much now), FTisland and 4Minute. I have tried my very very very very best not to find out about other bands. I just pass by them saying "uhm", "Ok" and "oh".





But my sister and her everlasting criosity will always find out new bands and would always shove it into my face. I try to ignore it. Try to be cool of it. But, alas, I got curious too and look at the MV as well.



Well, tonight, I got curious about Teen Top. They are this 6 members bands that are constantly beng compared to others. I think they have been compared to 2pm once. But, come on, these boys are ORIGINAL.



See this vid for example.




SEE? Do YOU SEE THAT? Nobody else can pull off a superman move with really alienated hairstyle and STILL look calm cool and superbly cute. I like this video and it make them more interesting.

I am also superbly jealous of this boys. I mean, LOOK AT THE EYE MAKE UP. Their eyes became larger and I WANT TO HAVE THOSE EYE MAKEUP!!!

I have to say Niel has really good vocals on this one. He was standing out in "BAKSU" or know as "Crap crap crap crap crap crap MAD MAN" song but in this onem he STANDS OUT.

It's interesting to take interest in these new bands because although you go like "wow, they're really good looking and and amazingly talented", you can't help yourself from thinking "they're YOUNG too. How old is THAT GUY? 14?"

All these new bands have really really really YOUNG talent and it kinda make you feel like a cougar and ,guys, I am only only 23. That's says alot. I am not suppose to feel like a cougar but I do.

So, that's all. NITES.

I hope for all this, I made a point somehow. DID I?

DEAD weight.

I feel like a dead weight. No, seriously. Like I am dead.

I think this is post valentine's day stress. I just don't know what is bothering me. Something is seriously irritating the life out of me but if you were outside looking in, you would think I was calm.

From the outside, I looked tired, haggered, not even close to average looking and sick but calm.

I feel pressured. Over what? I don't know.

Maybe my bills. (Oh god, aren't they piling at their own accord.)

But I feel like that's not it.

This is something DEEPER. (Sound like an effing green guru.)

I wish I can share this with someone...oh wow, this is yearning. For a BF.

ARGH. Do I have to do this EVERY year? Coming to this blog, blogging about how lonely I am and how having a BF would make everything A-OK!

That's funny.

And I NOT going to do it. Post valentine's day stress or not, I am not going to wallow. I do that on a daily basis and not just a typical date (Queue in VALENTINE'S DAY SCREAMS).

I still feel the dead so I am guessing this is not about wanting to have a boyfriend. Guys, I am sooo tired.

I got really sick last night, the flu just came right at me. I went to the doctor and she... well...the doctor is kinda weird and I was already in a foul mood (what's with the waiting of an hour in a private clinic) that all her jokes to make me feel like I am 10 years old was not that funny. In fact, I just wanted to punch her.

Yikes. I am getting violent.

You know, I am a fan of my own voice. No matter, how many times I get rejected when I auditioned, I still think my voice is good. Not great but good enough and I want to share it. So I go to YouTube.

Even that is not working out. I mean 3 views in 3 days? PATHETIC.

Still, I like listening to my own voice. Am I weird.

I just like to shout out to people who leave comments in my blog to stop sending me stupid things. Seriously, can't you just be nice and not leave a comment with a URL on your name that leads me to a stupid site that sell medication?

Or say mean things on my blog. I seriously don't need constructive criticism right now.

Ok, nites.

NIGA HIGA

I know alot of you probably know this guy. But if you don't know and you came passing by my blog... Well, he's just tremendously funny.

He talks about random things and everything he says make me laugh.

and...it's also probably because I have a crush on him. But he is cute and I am a sucker for cute, adorable, funny guys.

Like teddy bears.

The weird things is I HATE teddy bears. Maybe because my ex gave to me a Teddy bear gift. I use to punch the shit out of it.

I wonder why I am STILL single. Is it because of my weight? But I have seen that other girls....just as fat as me...having someone to hold. You know what? I am a prize to win. I am. I totally am.

Wow...that sound more desperate than I intended it to be. I gotta to do something.

I think I am gonna quote from Anthony Hopkins

"We, scientist, are always looking for proof. The thing is, what are we going to do when we find it?" - The Rite.

Scary quote, huh? This is why I tend to believe and ignore. The best option there is.

You know, I heard a rumour mill that Onew ideal girl is someone from After School... and I was told that she was nice and sweet. Ahem, I think I am nice and sweet too, Onew. Will you just look my way!!!

Ok that DEFINITELY does not sound nice and sweet. Sound more like a sour grape.

To say that I am in love with Onew is an understatement. Seriously, I try to dream about this guy, think of this guy, wonder what he's doing when I am doing the most boring-est thing. I could actually be smiling if he found he's perfect other half...and jump off a cliff to end my life.

LOL.

This is a random...blog. WTH.

MY late late late BLOG

So this is way overdue. But I think I should tell you my version of K-POP nite in Singapore on 23 October 2010 (I told you it was overdue). Christine told me she have read Shirin's version and found mine exciting but I have not blog about it yet.

So here it is.

The very very very full version.

It started the day before, Shirin and I went to the expo at about 3pm and we went there fully clothed. Like with make up and everything. So we went straight to hall 2 and found that not many people were there.

I guess not many people are as paranoid as we were but Shirin and I were DETERMINED to get awesome places for our very very FIRST KPOP concert together.

So, in realization that not many people were there, we went to eat lunch and wasted time at the Texas Chicken (the wannabe KFC) and we were imagining all the great things that could happen and wondered what kind of standing pit we would get.

I was a little scared for the standing part. I wasn't hoping for the very front row BUT I was hoping to get at least a place where I can see all these beautiful people. Shirin had the same thoughts too so we talked some more just to relieve stress of the next day ahead.

Ok, let's fast forward to midnight. Since EXPO close at 10, we were shoo-ed to sit outside of expo where people were getting really noisy, restless, and the sones and shawols were just getting irritating. Shouting and screaming....and dancing to their songs. It was MIDNIGHT, mind you.

But, we got to know some really awesome people although right now, I can't really remember their name, they were wonderful human beings. You wanna know why? Well, they were lining and staying overnight FOR THEIR FRIENDS.

It's crazy, I know. Why would someone do that? I certainly wouldn't...unless I could get into the concert too.

So anyways, i think it was about 6 am, the security guards were opening the entrance. At this point of time, everybody was rushing...and all the SONES were SLEEPING. The JOY!!! So everybody rush as usual. Alot of "don't push", "HEY!!!!", "IF YOU GUYS PUSH ONE MORE TIME, THE CONERT WILL BE CANCELLED" was happening but as crazy KPOP fans, we couldn't careless and humanity seem to vanish.

We did get pretty good standing at first until the damn rain happened. Everybody in front started to pull their damn friends in. In other words, CUTTING THE QUEUE. Seriously, where was the basic manners, huh? Yes, we get that you're friends and all but that friend of yours didn't stay overnight and we DID. So please. LEARN SOME MANNERS.

When the rain stopped and considering those people who cut the line, we still had decent seat although most of us were feeling grumpy and unhappy. I mean, all of us was shifted at least 10 people back. Do you know how annoying that is....

OK. Fast forward to concert.

So by 6pm, the doors started to open and people were madly rushing in... SOME START TO EVEN TRY TO CUT THE QUEUE AGAIN! Anyways, we didn't give them the chance because we started to rush too.

Once we got in, we REALLY did get the best stading area. I am not even joking. Right UP FRONT. Where the BARRICADES were situated. We were THAT close to the stage. Actually, we were the closest to the stage.

The first band to perform was FT Island. Honestly, I was not a big fan and I am still not a big fan now, they're cool but I am just not a fan yet. Anyways, knowing this fact you would think that I would not have scream. But I did. THE HELL I DID. So effing loud. Even my sister couldn't believe it. I didn't even knew I was screaming out loud. They started singing and OMG, Seunghyun was really as awesome looking as he was on tv. He LOOKED exactly the same. So, since my sister and I just finished watching maknae rebellion, he was the only one I though I know beside Jonghoon (who is the Christine's biased) who was playing his damn guitar on the other side of the stage, I started screaming his name so that he would have eye contact ME or something BUT he had some issues with his guitar and kept looking at Jonghoon, who kept nodding to him. Shirin was screaming "OI! you! you! hey! hey!" because she told me she forgot his name....or she forgotten. And I was screaming like crazy because I just wanted him to EFFING LOOK AT MY SMUDGE MAKEUP FACE! But, alas, he still didn't. SUDDENLY, Jaejin went upfront (like infront of his mic stand and played the bass for us!) I didn't know how I manage to do it but I just went "JAEJIN!!!!!! OMG!!!! JAEJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNN!!!!!!" I think he was sastified because he started playing with a swagger, ya knaw whut I mean?

So the first performance was really awesome although I don't know all the song...but JAEJIN kept me pumping....ah.. I mean jumping for more KPOP!

Next up is Z:EA. OK. This is going to be short. They were not really on the remember note. All I know is that I kept smirking at one of the member because he was showing off his swagger and I just wanted to fool around. Apparently, he didn't buy my smirk and tried his swagger on me again and I smirk again and he did AGAIN. OR it could be just me imagining. But I swear he smiled three times and I just didn't really reply with a scream.

Next up was infinite, I knew abit of their song although I did mixed up Myongsoo and Garam (The boss) up. But anyway, they're ok.... I only sang the part where they sang "Dorawa, Dorawa, da shi dorawa!"

After that it was DNA....another one that I don't really care about.... I can't even remember what I did here.

Then....It was SHINee. My favourite band was coming up! I screamed when the host said "Noona naumu Yapeo?" I don't know....My Onew was going to be on stage and breathe the same air as me. Although the crowd was really loud, I could hear my heart pumping nervously. This guy that I am in love with was going to be there... I could feel the silence and my heart beating. It was a weird feeling.

My sister pass me the cam for me to record... So I hold the cam and stood on standby, ready to scream out loud. SHINee came out singing Ring Ding Dong, everybody screamed. I tried to scream but when I saw Onew, My voice just went into hiding. I was really in love with this man I don't even know (I still am today) and he doesn't even look my way. As all of you know by now, he made a mistake and he seem stress about it.

Remember the camera I was holding? I gave it back to my sis because I was shaking so bad. Like I was nervous.

SHINee sang four songs and at the end of every song, everybody else was screaming and singing along but there I was....I could not scream so I clap enthusiastically for each of the song. I was a bit disappointed, honestly, with the performance as all of them looked tired and so haggard...and Onew...he was so hard on himself....or maybe that was how I saw it....and plus it was minus Jong Hyun and the group became smaller.....

So after that very weird experience with SHINee the next performance was SNSD and I think the guy beside me had an orgasm in his pant after they came out perform their slutty + cutesy = SUCCESSFUL PORN STAR DANCE which wasn't really that delightful to watch although I have to say Hyoyoen (is that how u spell her name?) looked awesome and pretty. Argh....Tiffany and Jessica was at their epitome of being stupid and irritating screaming in their microphone with their american english slang....gurl, puhlees.

The LAST ACT was BIG BANG!!! OK at this point, I regained my energy because I kept quiet through out the whole slut show, I started screaming "Taeyang!!! Taeyang!!! Taeyang!" and this was even before they perform. So once they got on stage my taeyang's went alot more and the volume got louder and louder.

UNTIL

Daesung just came to the front and waved at US! Della, Shirin and Me started to scream like mad and "OMG, DAESUNNNNNNNNNNNG@!==!@#$#%%!!!!!!!!" happened. Daesung cooly shake his amazing hair and LOL! literally. He did laugh out loud...like he found it funny girls react to his wave is such a crazy manner.

But I didn't give up on my taeyangs....so I continued to scream "Taeyang! Taeyang!". But then Daesung came again this time with Seungri and the both of them just concentrated on our row. There were so many eye contact that I was never going to wash my eyes with anything ever. There was even a point where I was so tired from all the jumping the song made us do....but Seungri pointed at me and encouraged me to jump more... I remembered I screamed LIKE HELL!!! SEUGRI POINTED AT ME! ME!!!!!

Still, I did not give up on Taeyang.... even scremed " TAEYANG TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!"... and it was fruitful...because Taeyang pointed to my cam and did a swagger move....and I think I was busy looking at him....drooling....

So that was it! An amazing night. A long blog.....hope you guys like it.

NITES.

Life....you suck!

Yes. You suck.

You do, like, totally!

Firstly...i just have to say, can't you be nice? Just at least put a non difficult dream in my head and be nice to me?

For example, you could have put like a normal achieving career in my head....like being a teacher, a nurse, a.....an academic career!

Argh, you're soooo annoying! Why do you make me want to be a singer. And put me in a place where talents are.....freakishly ignore to the whole entire world!

And let's not forget you made me poor and you made me the child of Parents who do not believe in the arts. Especially music.

So so so annoying.

Well, guess what? Not going to give up, you mean sickly stupid LIFE!!!!!

I will find other ways! I WILL!

Argh! (Storming out....)

its 5 am and...

It's 5 am and I decided to write something about life and the journey we all have with it.

I understand that Life can be something that is nasty and mean because I have been in a boat where Life made hope something that no one should ever lean on. It made death so much more welcoming that sometimes I would cry in tremendous pain asking why death have not came to rescue me.

But Life have been great too. The bad are numerous and uneventful but when Life decided to give back...it gives back huge.

For without the pain and trouble Life had put me through...I would not know the difference between people who use me and people who love me. I would not have friends who I treasure so dearly in my heart today if I didn't have friends who used me till no end.

I am sure that I, sometimes, come up a bit irritating. Always so optimistic about the future. Always seeing the glass half full. Even I get irritated with myself because no matter how many time life burnt my hope for sunshine, I still lean on to hope.

I believe that everybody is a star. Yes, one of those in the sky. Strong, bright...a life of it's own. Not stealing from the sun. It's not easy to make everyone see that in themselves. But I wish everyone would...because I believe I am to.

I will admit that Life do destroy me sometimes. Breaks me into a million pieces. My heart shattered. My tears creating a river. Life have tortured me....and is still torturing me. But here I am. Still standing. Still hoping. It's true, you know. What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger.

The thing is, nobody told us how difficult being strong is. But Life made us realize that there is no other way. The only way to be happy is to be strong and to believe because in the middle of us believing and life destroying us...in that split second, we're happy. All those fantasies...all those dreams....in that moment we see the beautiful happenings.

So that is why I still hope and still look forward to the future (although I am not sure what I am looking forward to) because in this moment before Life comes to take it all away, I am truly happy. I might be a singer (audition) I might be great at it. Heck, I might even end up with Onew.

In this very moment.....I am happy.

No way out.

I can't breathe

It's like I am stuck

I can't see

It's just so dark

The way you're lying to me

The way you're talking to me

They way you're playing...

Playing behind me

I can't live

Without you here

I can't dream

Cause you're bringing me down

They way you're living your life

The way you're ignoring mine

They way you're saying...

I am the one in your life

My friends tell me

You're no good for me

My mother, my father

They want to rescue me

But, baby, I just can't let you go

I don't know what else to do

Coming back home,

To you, drunk on the floor

Mending it back

My broken heart shattered

into a million pieces more

I help you up, and put you to bed...

Cause, I am in love with you...

Hello there to people who read this....LOL

Do you guys realize that LOL doesn't just stand for 'Laugh out loud' anymore?

It also stand for 'Lots of Love'?

Huh, I know this cause TaeYang (the one that keeps popping out in my dreams) told me so. Why did he say this, you want to know....Well, because in my dream, he's so in love with me. ME. And I, in the dreams of mine lately, am one of those who rejects people for the heck of it.

I don't know why I keep getting dreams of someone who's madly in love with me...and I end up rejecting them...enjoying the power I have over them.

Wow. desperately needing love is driving me crazy...you know, they always start off with dreams.....

Anyways, I am not here to blog anything else except for HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HOLLOWS.

OMG! IT's the best movie of this year. It's not boring and the comedic element was just right...oh and the tension between Ron and Hermione...so so so sweet. Something that I crave for so much!

I have got to say that Emma Watson did a superb job! She does scream occasionally in the previous Harry Potter...but this time, her character was tortured by Belaxtrix, and Emma did good screaming. It made me want to jump out of my seats and save her!

There were some scenes that were missing and it seemed rush, but I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED. It's feels right to have the movie like this.

DAVID YATES have outdone himself to stay closely by the book!

Oh man, I so badly wanna watch it again, but I don't want to watch it alone. Ha! may be I'll be Christine and Shirin out for their Birthday celebration, then.....I say everything is a surprise...then booked the Harry Potter tickets for my own benefit! LOL! (as in Laugh out loud)

Wow, this is the first time in many months that I am not talking about korean pop or SHINee... if you're not counting the intro from this blog.....

P.S....Rupert Grint looked soooo nice to look at. ok. He was HOT. I really dig him!

P.P.S I was seated with a bunch of journalist. I think they were reviewing the movie, I was so glad that one of them said, "I didn't expect this. I thought it was childish. But, it's quite the opposite. I don't think kids should watch this alone. It's good."

Or he said that somewhere along that line because I was really watching his face, trying to figure out if he's Japanese or Korean because....he was really good looking and fair...and cute....

WTH.

LOL(as in Lots of Love)

Shilla.

Today...I feel like .... Telling you something.

Today was a day that seriously made me think alot. (it happens when I meet with Isabella).... I feel like telling you guys something.

Confessing to you how lonely I feel.

Let's make this a confession.

I confess that I, Roshilla, feel super alone and sometimes I do blame God for it. At other times, I blame myself for it. There was a time I remember being surrounded by people I love and by a man/boy I truly was in love with. Now, time have pass and it seems I am stuck in a place where the roller coaster have not yet stopped. It feels like I am having some mid life crisis that I don't even know is going on.

I am becoming desperate and thoughtless. Becoming more vulnerable and becoming more greedy. I confess that the need to fall in love for me right now have become something of an obsession. I keep thinking, dreaming and fantasizing about being in love.

Maybe because I know how it feels to be in love. To be with someone who loves you is really something to look forward to if you don't have it and something to cherish if you do. The knowledge of this feeling is somewhat a curse to me. Since I know, I look forward to it with pure anticipation only to be disappointed again and again. To be crushed into a million pieces and fixing myself seem to be a routine that I go through without regret. It's crazy. But, I still do it. Maybe I am going to be sent to the mental hospital soon.

Would having a guy make a difference in my life? No. But to have a love would make a difference in my life. I don't think I would be so tortured. or feel like I am being tortured. I would admit that I think having love come back to me make me complete. I will cherish it...because it's like a crystal; so beautiful but so fragile (somebody scream cheese!)

I want it so badly. I want to fall in love. I want someone to love me back. I confess that I have said this so many times that some may say I am just saying this. But, I am so horribly lonely. So horribly desperate. I want t get out of this water trying to drown me.

I confess, with all this rejection, I might be alone forever. It's so crazy and hurtful but somehow it's something I seem to prepare myself for.

But....there's a passion of mine that keep me out of the thought of love. My passion to sing. It's the only salvation I have for the moment. It's the only thing that make me not want to think about my lonliness. In singing, I find joy....in singing, I find love.

I listen to "Quasimodo" by SHINee and it hurts so bad because unlike the character Quasimodo, I don't have anyone that I feel intensely about. I can't even cry for someone. I don't even have somebody to love in that special way. I don't even understand why I cried when I hear the song, maybe because, I once felt that way for someone.

Haiz...I confess today.

"Even if it hurts, even if you make me cry, I love you."

- Onew (Quasimodo)

Hey! SCRAP BOOK!!!!

Today, I am going to share with you guys something that is very special to me.

This is my scrap book. My new Scrap book!..

well, not really new.... it started when I was in MI.

It has alot of stuff in it.

Stuff like....Guys I am crushing on.

As per below:

I laughed my head off because there is this one sentence I wrote.

I had a crush on a Police Academy Guy in the Mass Rapid Transit (MRT)

Look at how detail I was.

I added me newest latest crush....and it's not the guy that so stupidly ask me the most stupidest question ever....

I added SHINee Onew in it!! I hope it... I hope in five years time....I still be like... "Oh yeah, Hell yeah!!!"

So Why am I posting all this? Well, like I said before, I want to share with you my scrap book. It's something I treasure...and you might want to know something about me...

Hahaha.

Who am I kidding?

I am just here to brag about the things I did today. You see, this scrap book has a lot of my obsession or something that I really love in my life.

My very first entry was about Harry Potter...then....Twilight. I would have loved to take pictures but that is not really important right now.

Since, I fell sick today due to circumstances yesterday which lead to ALOT OF TEARS AND ALOT OF CONFUSION ONLY ON MY END (to that DUDE...Thanks for the heads up for screwing my day), I decided to update my Scrap book with my latest, unshakable and most recent obsession.

SHINee.

This is the 2nd page....I totally forgot to take the First page....So...Well....ISN'T IT SO AWESOME? LIKE FREAKINGLY AWESOME!

Then, turn 'pagey' (that's how the Korean say it) You still can see my dedication for SHINee. If you want to know where I got all the pictures....

Well, 2 words.

POKER CARDS.

So what do you think? I really love it. I wrote:

I Love SHINee

In KOREAN NONETHELESS!!!

The next page is Minho.

Let me explain why I did Minho first. I just watched the athletic meeting the Idols had about 2-3 days ago.

And Minho...he was the most memorable one in SHINee...and the most amazing one, I have to say.

So he was on my mind today and it was automatic that I wrote his name first.

Ok, you caught me.

I had a dream about him.

He kinda like me in my dream.....so....he was on my mind today...

Isn't it super nice? I kept looking at it...and well, Minho is reallllllllly GOOD LOOKING.

Even with the most DORKIEST HAIRCUTS! (Talking about haircuts, Our Taemin had his hair done again!!! He looks like he came back from the past! He had his debut hair again! It's soooooo cute!)

So after I was done with Minho....I had the SHINee rush again, so I collected all (or the ones I can fit in the next 2 pages) I pasted them in the most Scarppy book way.... and here is the result.

As usual, I started to panic.....Why? It was because it was getting late....and I haven't done Onew part yet! I wanted to give Onew a 3 page dedication because he is the love of my life....Or so I think he is.

So I, quickly but with the most love, did his part.

I was really into it too. I didn't care it took more than 2 hours. I just was really happy...and it made me realize that I really love this man.

I seriously do....

And I got mushy.

I know some of you hate mushy....and I know which ones of my friends hate it...but I really can't help but pen a romantic poem for him...even though he might never read it...

But I was satisfied with the result! So here's page 1 & 2 for Onew's part.

After, I was done with Onew.....I was really really really tired. Got a really back ached cause I sat in the same position without shiftiing so much...So I decided to close the book ( or keep looking at my scarppy book artwork) and call it a night.

But I had to blog about this and since I am already on this topic....I wanna share 2 photos of Taemin I bought today at Comic Connection (Don't worry, Christine....it was just $2. LOL).

I just have to say that this boy...or man....is just really GORGEOUS.

REALLY.

HERE HAVE A PEEK.

Isn't he just adorable.....I couldn't help but bought both....I was planning to buy one. But, I couldn't! I just really had to have both!

Well, I do lack self control...so please pardon me.

Ok so that's all...

Good nite and

COMMENT!

(Yep, that's a DEMAND)

Just got to brag.

The man! This man! This boy! This guy! This male! The specific species...... I love him. He's the only one in my badge collection that have 2 badges. I can't help it. Every time I go to the store to buy all this SHINee stuff, I would buy something Onew related. And I would make sure that I have more Onew stuff... I retarded.

Hai....So nice. Being in a band... These boys are driving me crazy!! How can 5 beautiful and talented people come together? ...... You boys are the reason music is alive for me.

Look at that!!!!!!! I bought that from Comic Connection. Ok...where else? All my five boys are there. Its so nice to start collecting all this.

But It's getting in tooo deep my pocket.

But I can't help it. I just pick and pick and pick until I feel like I can't breathe anymore. Then I go to the counter.

And the man....he's knows I ate the bait! He knows toooooooo well. He will take something that is not on the shelf yet and would show me...

And I would be like..

"Yes. this one. and this one. OOOOOHhhhh...this one. Definitely."

Why am I like this? I have tooo many stuff already. I wonder if one day I can still sell this on Ebay,... When I am over them.

Or when they finally become my friends...

I wish I was normal person who goes "there goes that crazy girl who think she's supporting them by buying all these.....junk."

Ok.. No. I don't want to be that person.

I rather be crazy. But, seriously, I need to get a life...get myself out there. Maybe not now..........

Enjoy the pictures....

Lots of love,

Roshilla Lee

The Lucifer Album (1-5)

I have been trying to do a video vlog about this...but somehow, nothing seem to come out right.

It would be the lighting, the things I am saying...

Sometimes, it was just EVERYTHING.

So, I am here. Blogging about it instead.

To start off, Let's take the first track off from the album.

Up and Down.

This song has a very "Highway" feeling about it. You know that song that you want to listen to when you're driving the highway? Letting your hair down and just letting the wind into it.

It's the song that you don't want to have on if you're lost though.

It's very upbeat and you can hear our boys very harmonized in this one. (not that they're ever not harmonized)

The music is about a very complicated girl who has mood swings. Honestly, I think it is. Ok. A very pretty complicated girl that have mood swings. And this kind of girl make the day of our boys...

they're singing things like

"You're a roller coaster ride"

"This is why it's so fun."

Hopefully, this is just a song they sing because, I am not that kind of girl. I don't have "mysterious" embracing me when I walked by.

It's more "SO TYPICAL" that is pasted on my forehead.

Anyways, on to the next song. The next song is called Lucifer.

This song, as the boys have many time claim, " is urben electronic". So I can't say anything about the song genre. I really love this song.

As so many million other girls.

I feel like this song is for those crazy, inhumane, really silly fangirls.

I would admit that I am a fan of this boys...but I would NEVER stamp on someone and not CARE that someone got hurt just trying to get these boy attention.

While I was lining up for the damn Q tickets with my sister, we met very very passionate fan who comes of scary...and I think SHINee knows about this.

Lucifer is about, as our lovely Taemin put it "about a men complaining that he felt very tied down because of the woman and he is asking his woman to believe in him."

The best part of the lyrics was Jong Hyun part.

"If this is love, if you love me, don't do this to me."

I felt this line is the most.....outstanding line. Why? because I feel like I could be a really clingy girlfriend. I mean, you have to cut me some slack, don't you think? 5 years with nothing. Not even a small bleep of romance in the air.

Nothing.

So I think if I ever find someone....I would be so clingy that the person can't breath. I would like to apologise for the future (near or far). I don't mean to be so "by your side" but....I can't help it. I love you. I need the attention. So....if you don't want me to so clingy..then ask me to listen to this song...and I would totally get it. But you have to understand that I will be piss for few days.

Sorry.

So the next song on the album is called Electric Heart.

I find this song...super sexy. I mean they're singing about candy and stuff.

When I hear a song about candy or something sweet...I can't help but think it's sexual.

I mean come on...hello? Candy shop? by 50cent?

And "milkshake" by...that girl with an afro hair?

This song is similar but not so sexual I guess. They sang it in a very robotic manner. A robot with alot of melody. This song is about a girl that the boy finds so rude but yet so attractive.

"Your arrogant, conceited attitude
My heart feels like it’ll explode"

This is the song you want to sing to that girl/guy that every one wants and yet you think that you are destined to be together.

Obviously, I like this song...but once again, I am kinda jealous because this song is not at all a description of the type of girl I am.

Do guys really want girls who are conceited? Girls who play around? Girls with such a mysterious aura?

I guess so....Sucks to be me.

The next song is called A-yo.

This is an inspiring song. People who have big dreams and feel down, you guys should listen to this song!

I listen to it when I feel like trash and feel like the world would be better off without me. This song keeps me going and I think alot of people can relate to the song.

It has a RnB groove to this song. It's has a very chilled out beat to it. The melody of the songs make you want to dance even if you can't. So, this is quite a groovy song if you asked me. But you didn't.

I am just telling.

The next song is, by far, the song that showcase Jong Hyun amazing vocal talent.

This song...well...even without knowing the lyrics, you would know that its a sad song. A broken song. A song that has daunting hunted feeling.

The song basically is about a man who love a woman so much to the point of obsession that the woman can't breath? Much like Lucifer...but this time it's from the "lucifer" POV?

I don't know....the direct translation doesn't really make sense. I think I would need to learn Korean properly to understand it.

The lyrics are complicated...things like this are being said:

"Why is my broken leg standing here?"

"your lips that left me shouldn't love, don't love me, I threw you away"

"Have fun noises left me? You seem so far away."

It doesn't make sense right? I know....But I love this song so much because I think that this song is about a man who leaves a woman he loves so much for her own good? Like when Clarke Kent left Loise Lane? Or when Edward Cullen left Bella? or when Harry Potter broke up with Ginny Weasley...

And also, Jong Hyun's voice is the killer!! He's so amazing here....and it seem like he knows the confuse feeling so well, furthermore, he wrote this song. So, alot of fans are wondering who is the girl that Jong hyun left and regret doing it.

I think he just wrote it not because he experience it before. I just feel like he might have watched alot of drama when he had no schedule!!! LOL.

Ok...so that's all for now....No. 1 to 5...

I will continue the rest some other day....!!!

BYE PEEPS.

Trying to shake it off

Do you guys know the feeling of being addicted?

I know that feeling far too well.

There were:

BSB

BRITNEY SPEARS

ROMANCE NOVELS

ROMANCE MOVIES

HARRY POTTER

TWILIGHT

EDWARD CULLEN

RUPERT GRINT

and now?

K-POP.

I have been through this so many times...and usually, the feeling of being addicted dies off...it's just so different this time.

I am still so hype about it. I still feel so new to it.

It's like there so much more to explore and I want to explore it.

It has become a repition.

Something that I can't seem to shake off....

I just wish I was that normal girl. I wish I wasn't so easily influence....but, I have to ask myself. If I had never known about K-POP...Would I be happy? Would I easily smile just at the sight of those K-POP music videos?

Can I live without knowing such a wonderful soul like Onew exist?

I don't think so.

This is all apart of my life now and my goal is to be an entertainer. I want to be apart of this K-POP entertainment industry.

It's aiming high...But....I want to be apart of it. So I don't care.

BTW, I am finally going to see SHINee soon at the Korean Pop Night concert. I hope Onew doesn't see me. I just don't want him to know that I exist. Right now, I am fine with my one sided love for him. He doesn't have reciprocate.

He deserves it.

Life is not great but it's going well...I don't have anything to worry. It's just work now. I wished I hadn't signed this stupid bond. I feel so tied up.

I hvae been wondering lately....I am 22 this year and yet to have my very first kiss.

I think I am worse off than the 'cat lady'.

When would I get it? Can I not wait anymore? How much more do I have to put myself out there?

I like what Christine said in her blog..

Illusions becomes delusions.

Something that never were reality turn into something that you believe. Delusions. Such a bad description...but soooo gooood.

Do I even make sense tonight?

I am not so sure...

GD nite..

I LOVE ONEW.

To ONEW

It's seem a bit crazy
For me to love you from here.
All that I have been hearing lately,
"Shilla, you've changed", I hear fear.

I can't help but feel more
The more you sing
The more I adore

So my love may never be known to you
And somehow, I am accepting fate.
Ten million other girls feel the same way too.
And I am hook on the bait.

Sometime I feel like, how can you not know this?
All the things I am doing,
All the things I am buying,
just to be that one person
to be the one supporting your dream.

People tell me,
'You're delisional"
"You're a hopeless case."
"You're just one of those."

It hurts.
But if my love is one of those
That makes you smile.

Then all of this, all of this....

Is worthwhile.

Fantastic.

So today....

Well,

Today is the day that I will move out from this house.

Yes, after five years here...we're moving.

Not that it's sad or anything, it's just....very very tiring.

wait, make that it's very EXHAUSTING.

I really hated today......just the packing up part. Really, hate it.

I am a very very lazy person and cleaning up the house.....I hate it.

But I did pack anyways....no matter how grudgingly or whiny I was....I still packed.

Not that spoilt I guess....but a brat? Yeas. Most definitely still that. A REAL BRAT.

I am really not proud of that...but it's like a habit.

really really really hard to break.

Right now, I am not feeling anything. I am not happy (yes. Very tired and sleepy) and I am defintely not sad (I'm just not).

Watching my sister dance, I really think she is a GREAT dancer...more of freestyle but she can pick up dance from YOUTUBE. I can never do that...i just pick up well when someone teach me....so envious!

Anyway, I practice singing Please don't go by SHINee and I tried to tune myself...Christine, I hit the note right more this time! Woohoo!

She even told me that I hit the ONEW'S NOTE RIGHT!

Do you know how that made my day?

It made my day into one freaking fairytale! Gosh, just imagine, Onew asked me to sing with him!!! Wah! I think I would fly over the moon!

Not literally, of course.

I am trying to write more songs and stealing people's melody....

Any Ideas on who I should steal a melody from?

I am trying to write song for Onew...a romantic one. But, I can't find any nice sound I can steal from.....

....

Colbie Callait always sound pretty nice....should I?

Fallin' for you is nice...right? and I am not bragging, but I think I can sing her song.....

I don't know....

Oh well, I know when I know I guess!

Ok....good night now ppl! Sleep tight! close your eyes.....

For this one time.

For this one time,

I am not going to talk about you.

For this one time,

I let myself see the world as it is.

For this one time,

I would live for myself.

The world as I see it now,

Silent. Hush. Peaceful.

Lonely.

But that is alright.

I hear the murmurs of lovers.

I love you.

I need you.

I hate you.

For this one time,

I walk alone looking from the outside.

I see children holding hands with their mothers.

I feel the wind blowing in my direction.

I walked, still looking from the outside.

For this one time,

It feels horrible to ignore your existence.

To not be able to think about you,

is pure torture.

Though, you suffocate me with your love,

This 'one time' without you feels like death.

For this one time,

I understand it now.

This 'One Time' will never happen again.

For this last time...

I walking back to you.

Thinking of you.

For this last time,

I am coming back to you.

I can't help my sorry ass self.

You guys NEED to press the play button!

My Onew got molested by these bunch of girls...it was so funny.

And I am NOT jealous.

You wanna know why?

Well, because Onew didn't seem to like it...he was pretty much laughing and suprised that he was chosen to dance with them...I think he still think he's not a HOT commodity.. which is obviously not true....He was laughing and kind of embarrased...

which leads to one conclusion....

THESE KINDS OF GIRLS ARE NOT HIS TYPE OF GIRLS.

Thank god.

Anyways, as you can see...when he was pulled by the girls...he dance a bit and wanted to go to the other side to dance with the 'other' girls as well, but he was blocked and later surrounded by the girls with loooong legs.

And one of the girl pinch his cheek and he pulled away because...I don't know...but I think he was abit embarrased...

Kudos to that girl.

I would have done it tooo if I were her.

Onew so hot right now...that girls with freakishly long legs and slim body are chasing after him...

You guys would also probably see that he fell again....hahaha...his sangtae never fail to be by his side...and that is why he is so charming...'

And as usual, My SHINee men saved Onew by joining in the dance...

I love it when Onew is exposed to these kind of thing....he just....flumbles and falls...makes him...more attractive than ever.

NItes.

I am in love with you.

The morning is another wake up call.

I press the button to my alarm.

I sat up straight, look outside.

I played your song.

I played your song.

It might seem crazy.

For me to love you.

To love you voice, to love your face.

To love you.

But they don't get it.

For me to love you,

It's amazing, it's not a waste

To love you.

My friends tell me I should not let this go far.

Keep it control. Keep it low.

I am not myself if I stop.

You don't know who I am.

But I know who you are.

And that's enough.

That's enough.

It might seem crazy.

For me to love you.

But, I won't stop.

I won't stop.

They will never get it.

They don't have to.

You might not get it too.

But know that...

I am in love with you.

THANKS FOR READING....