No way out.

I can't breathe

It's like I am stuck

I can't see

It's just so dark

The way you're lying to me

The way you're talking to me

They way you're playing...

Playing behind me

I can't live

Without you here

I can't dream

Cause you're bringing me down

They way you're living your life

The way you're ignoring mine

They way you're saying...

I am the one in your life

My friends tell me

You're no good for me

My mother, my father

They want to rescue me

But, baby, I just can't let you go

I don't know what else to do

Coming back home,

To you, drunk on the floor

Mending it back

My broken heart shattered

into a million pieces more

I help you up, and put you to bed...

Cause, I am in love with you...

Hello there to people who read this....LOL

Do you guys realize that LOL doesn't just stand for 'Laugh out loud' anymore?

It also stand for 'Lots of Love'?

Huh, I know this cause TaeYang (the one that keeps popping out in my dreams) told me so. Why did he say this, you want to know....Well, because in my dream, he's so in love with me. ME. And I, in the dreams of mine lately, am one of those who rejects people for the heck of it.

I don't know why I keep getting dreams of someone who's madly in love with me...and I end up rejecting them...enjoying the power I have over them.

Wow. desperately needing love is driving me crazy...you know, they always start off with dreams.....

Anyways, I am not here to blog anything else except for HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HOLLOWS.

OMG! IT's the best movie of this year. It's not boring and the comedic element was just right...oh and the tension between Ron and Hermione...so so so sweet. Something that I crave for so much!

I have got to say that Emma Watson did a superb job! She does scream occasionally in the previous Harry Potter...but this time, her character was tortured by Belaxtrix, and Emma did good screaming. It made me want to jump out of my seats and save her!

There were some scenes that were missing and it seemed rush, but I WAS NOT DISAPPOINTED. It's feels right to have the movie like this.

DAVID YATES have outdone himself to stay closely by the book!

Oh man, I so badly wanna watch it again, but I don't want to watch it alone. Ha! may be I'll be Christine and Shirin out for their Birthday celebration, then.....I say everything is a surprise...then booked the Harry Potter tickets for my own benefit! LOL! (as in Laugh out loud)

Wow, this is the first time in many months that I am not talking about korean pop or SHINee... if you're not counting the intro from this blog.....

P.S....Rupert Grint looked soooo nice to look at. ok. He was HOT. I really dig him!

P.P.S I was seated with a bunch of journalist. I think they were reviewing the movie, I was so glad that one of them said, "I didn't expect this. I thought it was childish. But, it's quite the opposite. I don't think kids should watch this alone. It's good."

Or he said that somewhere along that line because I was really watching his face, trying to figure out if he's Japanese or Korean because....he was really good looking and fair...and cute....

WTH.

LOL(as in Lots of Love)

Shilla.

Today...I feel like .... Telling you something.

Today was a day that seriously made me think alot. (it happens when I meet with Isabella).... I feel like telling you guys something.

Confessing to you how lonely I feel.

Let's make this a confession.

I confess that I, Roshilla, feel super alone and sometimes I do blame God for it. At other times, I blame myself for it. There was a time I remember being surrounded by people I love and by a man/boy I truly was in love with. Now, time have pass and it seems I am stuck in a place where the roller coaster have not yet stopped. It feels like I am having some mid life crisis that I don't even know is going on.

I am becoming desperate and thoughtless. Becoming more vulnerable and becoming more greedy. I confess that the need to fall in love for me right now have become something of an obsession. I keep thinking, dreaming and fantasizing about being in love.

Maybe because I know how it feels to be in love. To be with someone who loves you is really something to look forward to if you don't have it and something to cherish if you do. The knowledge of this feeling is somewhat a curse to me. Since I know, I look forward to it with pure anticipation only to be disappointed again and again. To be crushed into a million pieces and fixing myself seem to be a routine that I go through without regret. It's crazy. But, I still do it. Maybe I am going to be sent to the mental hospital soon.

Would having a guy make a difference in my life? No. But to have a love would make a difference in my life. I don't think I would be so tortured. or feel like I am being tortured. I would admit that I think having love come back to me make me complete. I will cherish it...because it's like a crystal; so beautiful but so fragile (somebody scream cheese!)

I want it so badly. I want to fall in love. I want someone to love me back. I confess that I have said this so many times that some may say I am just saying this. But, I am so horribly lonely. So horribly desperate. I want t get out of this water trying to drown me.

I confess, with all this rejection, I might be alone forever. It's so crazy and hurtful but somehow it's something I seem to prepare myself for.

But....there's a passion of mine that keep me out of the thought of love. My passion to sing. It's the only salvation I have for the moment. It's the only thing that make me not want to think about my lonliness. In singing, I find joy....in singing, I find love.

I listen to "Quasimodo" by SHINee and it hurts so bad because unlike the character Quasimodo, I don't have anyone that I feel intensely about. I can't even cry for someone. I don't even have somebody to love in that special way. I don't even understand why I cried when I hear the song, maybe because, I once felt that way for someone.

Haiz...I confess today.

"Even if it hurts, even if you make me cry, I love you."

- Onew (Quasimodo)