Making a family

Isn't that so terrifying?

I have had conversation with my colleagues who are married. The ones who have kids and the ones who WANTS kids...

That's all they want. Even those who just got married.

I don't know... but I am kind of taken aback with this notion because, well, I don't really want kids at all. It's a scary thought trying to have a family. Maybe it's because of my youthful age or my youthful thinking. I don't really adore kids but I know I can be good to them.

It's just that how do I pass on what I believe in to my child? and is what I believe even correct or just plain arrogance in this society? I don't know, I just think that having a baby is more than just wanting something cute and fun.

Babies are no fun at all. They scream for attention and you can do nothing but just give it to them. Another thing is soreness of your breast when you breast feed...

It's look very self centered after writting this down and seeing it in black and white instead of it just twirling around my head.

It's just a very fearful thing.

and also not to mention my irrational fear of giving birth.

A Good Day

I don't know why but I am feeling so happy today. I am smiling and just having a lot of fun even though I am doing nothing at all.

I thought I blog about this moment so that my blog is all that depressing, haha.

So how is everybody doing today? I hope the sun is shining (even though it's raining.) and making you smile.

Even only if for awhile.

I am easy

So why?

Why do I get attached to a person so easily? Why do I fumbled, fall, trip, blush at the small amount of attention a guy gives to me?

I miss him so much today. That 2 days that we have spent time together comes in as memories that I just can't help but think about.

Christine have told me that I attach myself to fast on people. Most of my friends/sister probably tire when I talk about him again. And again.

Is it because I don't love myself that's why I am missing him? Am I really that easy to be attracted?

I am sure he doesn't even think about it. Or about me. So why am I thinking about him... About how he bought me cupcake, about how we talked about everything in less than a few hours.

About how he turned back when I was walking towards the top machine and said "Wow, are you following me now? The date must have gone better than I thought."

It was a fantastic 2 dates although it was not lavish or anything of that sort.

I still wished we met one last time before you got scared as for the 2 times... wasn't enough for me.

I feel pity for myself. That is all this is.

Mama's Boy

I have thought about this a lot lately and I use to cringe at the thought.

When someone point out that someone is a "mama's boy" I envisioned that someone who is protected by a monster of a woman who wants nobody else in his life and make choices for him and HIM being a-okay with that.

but I guess that is a very stereotypical thinking and I, somehow, realize that mama's boys might be someone I might like. Even though, my relationship with my mother is not great.