wow....121 post for the last 2 years.

Omg....121 post....that is so crazy and it totally cool at the same time.

Anyways, I am in a bus and I am on the way home...almost reaching I guess.. Give or take about 15 mins more.

Well, if you are wondering how I manage to blog in a bus...

The bad news is; no, the bus does not have wireless. So DO NOT bring your laptop and hop on a bus for 2 hours.

How I am doing this is pretty easy; I have a mobile broadband... So now, I can surf wherever and whenever I want to.

School sucks. I can say this openly here because no one knows about my blog and I am going to delete the link from my facebook and youtube.

This place should block out evil people.

Some people in this school seem to have a habit of not respecting other's loss in life. I am not going to say anymore as this may be use against me and I do not need any more drama in school. If you're my friend, just ask me and I WILL TELL YOU.

I just kind of found out that I have only 8 people who I believe are my friends.
Isn't that just great? 8 friends.
They are all so special to me and it's crazy how I manage to be friends with them...All of them are so cool, smart and totally fabulicious.

But, then again, I am their friend. So my judgement may be biased.

Wow, I am passing by geylang and the store for Hari Raya are now open.....the decoration are great even though I cannot see how the lighting is because it's still a hot humid day But I am pretty sure it's beautiful.

I wonder when I am going to go shopping for Hari Raya.
I hope we can this year. At least one traditional baju kurung.
Not like last year.

But, if that don't happen, I think I will be ok.


My b'day is coming soon. About 3 weeks to go!!! I cannot wait to meet my friends and have dinner and catch up all night long. Maybe even go clubbing with me! For the ones who are legal and that can enter a club.

Maybe I won't even club.....I don't know. I want to but I don't want to go alone.

Anyway, I am becoming a twitter addict. Been twittering non stop just now...
If you want to follow me here's my twitter
www.twitter.com/roshillacullen

you guys can check out the most random things I tweet.
This twittering makes me feel better.
It's like I have a friend that keep asking me what I am doing.

Ha, the things you say when you're such a loner.

Twitter becoming your "friend"

Anyway, I am running out of thing to say

So blog out!

I can't seem to balance this out.

Hey.

I really cannot find my Ying and Yang right now.
What i meant is that, I can never find a balance to blog or do a vlog at the same time.
Anyways, I am here to blog about something on a local context because I think if I vlog this, it would not be understandable
to the wider communities called the Non-singaporean people.

So, fasting month had begun and I am still alive and surviving. At the same time, I am reminded of the poor and how their life goes about without food and water,
Thus, this particular holy month of ramadan, I sure know how bless I am. So I should stop the BITCHING about life. LOL.

There's nothing much to blog, actually, because I am out of stories to tell.

The thing is, I had alot to tell when I was working.
Maybe because there not much to do that day.

Well, anyways, I got to go. Not that I am rushing anywhere that is.... Just that my brain has become faulty with all the drawings in school.
So, bye.

These Four Walls

It doesn't have my face.

Credits to LisaMond

I am going crazy on my Mac book!

Please listen to this....i am beggin. Then please comment either in my youtube or my tag...Please!!!

A cover. I did it. It's me.

please listen. PLEASE. IT'S DIFFERENT. I SWEAR.

Nuff Said. Sing along now.

Do it.
press PLAY.

JUST 33 SECONDS OF YOUR LIFE.....SO PRESS PLAY.

Press play.

AGAIN.

This was suppose to be played yesterday

PRESS PLAY.

I Keep on wondering

So here I am writting in on my blog rather than videoing my VLOG which is way past overdue...

And to Christine, Yes, I did pluck my eyebrows. Went against the parents wishes and I am going to burn in hell for ever committing this sin. LOL.

Back to the topic, I was surfing the net and I wondered if those writers that I love so dearly will ever write a new book or at least write something at all. But, to my dismay, there is no such news. I am quite bump on the contary on the "NO-NEWS" of Stephenie Meyer's Midnight Sun. She has not update us on anything and it seems like she had taken the leaking problem to her heart.

Guys, that woman is not over it. No. She is so far from over it that I think she might have totally FORGOTTEN about this book that she had announce to the world that she would love to write.

How bad can a wound be?

People out there are even willing to sign an online pettition and they even surpassed their goal of 5000 signatures and yet still the trend of NO-NEWS keep on playing on.
Check out this webbie guys:
http://www.thepetitionsite.com/1/Please-Finish-Midnight-Sun

The pettition is even close and yet...Stephenie Meyer seemed to be turning on a deaf ears.

I am pretty sure she's almost done with it and yet...why is she doing this to us?
I think we all know the answer.
She just want to punish innocent people.
Deep down, we all know that she is somehow a saddist.
And a total uptight spoilt sulk.

I don't mean to insult her but it's way too long.
I mean if she doesn't want to write it at all, at least admit in her website and let us go from the wall call "Patiently Waiting".

Do not WORRY!

Hey peeps!

Don't worry, I am feeling quite alright tonight and I am just here to blog normal stuff. So no emo today. LOL.

Anyways, I was working today and a group of caucasion men came in to the restaurant to eat (Duh!) and from their accent, I was pretty sure they were from australia. I mean, the way they say water to WA-DER....(real fast)...kind of gave them away. Normally, I would say that they're cute and all that but this is not the case. You see, the restaurant I am working at caters austrailian cusine....And this man must probably be missing their homeland because all of them ordered the same thing...

THE BLUE MOUNTAIN BURGER.

You probably would not understand why ordering this burger has anything to do with their country but as far as the research I have done..it state that there's a mountain in Australia that is called the blue mountain. I bet those Australian men were really missing the cool, unpolluted air in the down under, huh?

It was kind of weird seeing them and serving them the same plate four times! I had to supress a smile because it was really just hilarious.

I think I would be homesick too if I was in another country and there's this restaurant that caters Singaporean food. Imagine them selling the 'Esplanade' burger!!!!

There isn't much going on today beside that...

Oh no!

There was another family that dine in and they had the most politest boy as their son!
I was so amazed. He even asked his parents to leave a tip on the table which I collected of course.

Hey, it was only $2.

He's quite cute too and probably about 15 yrs old.

Dang it! Why am I born too early?

Anyway got to go and upload a video cover I made on YouTube....Check it out.

Adios amigo and ladies,
Shilla

THE NO DIFFERENCE

It's not different to feel depression and to keep hearing happy song that sing to you about a guy who is the one you want to be with than to just keep on feeling depressed and sitting alone in your room, helpless.

It makes you want to cry.
Cuddle yourself because you cannot find anyone who would understand this pain.
YOU don't even understand this pain you're going through.
You don't understand why you're listening to song that just keep on making the cut deeper than it already is.
You just don't and you try not to cry.
Hold it back, hold it back, please don't fall.
You keep thinking that.
Because you know, once the first tears fall and roll down your cheeks, there is no stopping it.

I just wish sometimes that I don't feel thiss feeling of depression. Or lonliness.
This feeling is so overwhelming. It makes me feel that my worst nightmare have come true.
Being alone all my life.
I don't know how not feel this way and be ok again.
People have told me to just cry...to just let it go. To feel the pain.
Once it's over, it's going to be fine.

But it's not.
It just keep coming back.
Like a ghost waiting in the shadows.

I hate it when my blog is like this. Like I am drowning in the waters and making this all dark. I want to be me again. The happy me. The one who doesn't care of what others think of her. The one who has her feet up off the ground. The one who don't need to feel the love of a man to make her feel whole. The one with no longing.
The one that was free from pain and hurt. The one who TRIED to be happy somehow.

I can't find her.
And this is not even my birthday.
I hope on my birthday, it's not like this.
I don't want to have any more birthday blues.
I don't want to feel like this.

I just wish I never have fallen in love.
Then I wouldn't know how great and powerful it is to care for someone so much and knowing that he does for me too. I wouldn't know what it's like to be heartbroken when I lose that person.
How can wanting this be so bad and yet I cannot do anything about it?

Am I too picky? or is it because...it's me?
It's so confusing when I try to logic this out.
There seem to be no logic.
And I am losing patience trying to find.
I just want to be found.


Again, it just seem to be too much to ask.

Almost Gave up blogging today.

As you can see from the title, I really did feel like doing it just now.

Why, you may ask.

It's because I forgot my own username and I cannot remember my password.
Someone scream ALZHEIMERS already!

I really think I do have that.

Such an early age.

I need to get a journal to record everything down before it's too late and I forget who my friends are!


So, I really have not been updating these past few days and I decided to give you guys a PLAY BY PLAY.

Like christine...with the dates and everything.


HERE I GO.


3rd August 2009
Let me remember a few details.

Went to school. Ended class at 1.
Photograpgy was a torture. It's really difficult.
BUMMER.
Went back home. Rest a little.
Go out at 5:15 and reach work late.
But, that's alright.
Finish work at 11 and got a ride back home from dad.
Reach home and went to the internet and surf like crazy.
Slept at 4.

4th August 2009
Woke up at 12. Bathe.
Feel bad for skipping school (again).
Went out of the house at 1 and reach Woodgroves Secondary School at 2.20 pm.
End of work= End of being such a dork at school.
Contact friends to eat dinner.
They were busy with homework and important stuff.
I can't blame them.
I was so last minute.
So ate alone.
At long john.
The depression sank in.

5th August 2009.
Went to school. But late. Reach about half an hour later.
Teacher forgave such a conduct and decided to chillax.
Felt like a loner in class.
Depression sunk in really fast.
Texted friends to say I miss them(I REALLY DO SO SO SO SO MUCH).
They texted back to say they do too. (MISS ME, I MEAN).
Felt really sad. Wanted to run to MI.
Almost cried in class.
Classmate body language scream that they wanted to avoid me in everyway.
Call my dad to fetch me and have lunch together.
Dad came to the rescue.
Cried in the car....broke down, finally.
Dad suggested a few brutal way to tackle those people who have hurt me.
I smiled. Because my dad still love me. So much from what I have seen.
Ate at Macs with Dad and had alot of fun talking to my father!
Went back home and cried to sister again.
She understood the situation better and ask if I wanted her to come and fetch me everyday after school?
Isn't she such an angel?
I LOVE HER TO BITS.

6th August 2009
It was a thurday.
No school. No work.
I love EVERY minute of it!
it's really gr8 to stay at home and not be bothered by anyone.
I mostly slept the whole day.
Enjoying the feel of my bed and dreaming about Nick Jonas.

TODAY- 7TH AUGUST 2009
Went to school.
Met Video Production lecturer for the first time.
He was way boring.
And uncool.
In a very likable way. And he is adorable!
With his half black, half white specs.
LOL.
Found a guy I like.
Really cute and nerdy.
With specs and even awkward movement.
Love to look at him cause it makes him kind of nervous.
Hahaha.
Went to work.
Enjoyed every minute of it.
Went back home.

Menses cramp kicking in and I even made it my MSN name. LOL.

That's it. I know it's not as elaborative as Christine but I couldn't find the power to remember every detail that day. Guess its not that significant huh?

Never going to update like this again.

Love,
Shilla.

PS
I love all my friends in MI!!

IT's been AGES!

Hey....

It's totally been ages.
Like Oh My God!
Like almost a year.
But not.
It's like..
5 months.
No.
It's about 3.
I think.
Whateves.


What?
Short forms are so the in thing this season, y'all!


Bimbo moment.

Anyways...
I am really happy for the internet being up again. Now I can update my blog and VLOG. That's the most important thing. Got so many many many many things to do. But yet, I haven't done anything yet.

Anyways let me update on the last few days.


School fucking started. I hate every moment of it with a smile.
I have been working and so this led me to skipping school.
People have been saying that I am making excuses. But well, they're not in my shoes so I guess they don't know.

School make me realize how much I miss my best friends. I really do and wished that they were there or at least I would find somebody who is just like them. So far, I have no luck.

Can't say that I am happy there.

Quite unhappy actually.

Days have been quite torturing. Wished I stayed in MI or at least beg to stay then at least I do not have to try to fit in or try making friends.

To be truthful, I am not making friends.

I keep to myself. And, I think, it's better that way.

I feel a little bitchy and arrogant because I keep judging.

That's bad.

Met up with friends regularly these past few days to keep myself happy and alive. They never fail to put a smile on my face and make me comfortable as usual. They respect my opinions and are mature enough to not laugh at my stupidity or discriminate me. They love me too much to hurt me. Thus, my love for them is as huge as my love for my family.

They say this is too cliche.

But, yet, this is the upmost truth.

I will post the videos soon....hahahaha...But it might take a while.

Lots. Of. LURVE.

Shilla