How I have been handling my life

Life in 2014 started off on a good start.

I had a good job.

I really do love my job.

The work dynamic in my place is just amazing.

I am planning on an amazing trip to London. I can hardly wait for that.

I have the most amazing friends I could ever asked for.

I have a family that I love (and totally hate at the same time)

I have my sister (and she happens to be one of best friends of all time)


I have came to learn on the importance of not caring too much about finding love and just letting it go. I have signed up and deleted on countless online dating website and again and again I have come up with nothing.

And just disappointed and also, I just got extremely tired because it was endless rounds of first dates. So I give up.

I am done with all this finding love thing. I am letting it be whatever it may be and if I end up totally alone in that department, I am good.

I am little burnt by this and may feel a little sad about this but realistically, I don't have time to be sad about it that much.

Time is ticking away and if I keep holding myself back,  I am just going to regret it. So I am going to start travelling around the world and also lose the weight if I could and I should. Oh well. I hope to prove some people wrong this coming new year and also... um, maybe get slimmer so I can buy more clothes for myself.

Haha.

This year is really one of the year that I've become my own, you know? I've embrace me and even my sister said I've changed a little.

I've become this person who won't take bullshit anymore and I've learnt to be more confrontational with things I've believe in.

Ok, not all the time, I still keep thoughts to myself. I remember Christine asking me once; why I wasn't confrontational and I couldn't give an answer and she asked; "is it because you blame yourself?"

and it all clicked.  I think the reason why I am not confrontational is because my mind works two to three steps ahead if I do voice out my thoughts.

like, would it really help the situation if I said what was going to say? will I regret it later on? Will I even win in this argument? Am I really NOT in the wrong here?

and most of the time, I think too much and I coward out. I just can't bring myself into hurting someone with my words and saying something I don't really mean and also, when I know if I just keep quiet, the person would see he/she was wrong and we can talk about it when we are not arguing and I would understand that he/she didn't mean it and I won't take it the wrong way.

But with all that being said, I don't take bullshit anymore not when I know I AM ON THE RIGHT SIDE. I speak out more and I am getting better at not feeling so guilty. I am still working on it.

What else?

I see the bigger picture in life now, and I try my hardest not to look at people as if they're insane or just weird. I try to embrace and not judge anyone now and I even encourage people to see that weird is unique and there is nothing wrong with that. I try.

I am happy. I can tell you that. Life is not perfect but I am happy with where I am right now. It's been a good year for me and I am looking forward to the new year, there's so much I want to do in 2015 and I do hope I get to do it.

See you in 2015.

WHAT a month?

I did it again.

My whole month with no rest no nothing.

It was worth it. I get to pay all my bills and other stuff and not be in debt.

Granted, most of my pay will be gone but I would at least be at ease and not worry about bills and whatever there is to worry about.

I would still have balance and I hope this month I practice being thrifty so that on the week of my birthday I wouldn't have any problem whatsoever should I wish to indulge on myself,.

Alright, that's all the update I've got for now.

About to go to bed. (and it's only about to be 7. Just too shacked.)

TOOOOODDDDLLLLEEES.

Writing some crap

I decided to write a story.

or a Novel.

Whichever sounds more sophisticated.

I have started writing it and I am still on chapter 1 but I think it would be a fun story!

Well, there's that.

I hope I finish this project of mine, no matter how long it takes.

HEH.

Taylor Swift new surprise song!!!!

Taylor Swift had a surprise for all of her fans.

She released her newest song and being a fan, I watched it this morning and I was so happy with the song!

That I had to buy it immediately off of iTunes!

The song is so encouraging and so fun and it wants to make you dance and let me tell you, my morning became so bright even though it was raining. I am definitely preodering this album because it's just so awesome.

Here's the MV:

The music video is so fun as you can see how ADORKABLE Taylor Swift is and how she just seem to have so much fun! LoL! In the song, she made fun of herself and I just find that she's pretty cool to do that.

She just couldn't careless about the rumours and she even used it to her advantage.

Yes, she may not have the best vocal in the industry but she does have spunk and she writes music that a typical girl like me could relate.

I just truly love her music.

I have fallen in love... with Sophie Kinsella aka Medeline Wickham

So, I decided to re-read one of the books that I bought and skimmed through ages ago because I was going through a phase where I was being all I-hate-chick-lit-books-it-doesn't-give-me-enough-intelligent-stuff-for-me-to-brag-about.

It was 'I've got your number' by Sophie Kinsella.

I made sure I didn't skimmed and really read the book properly this time and I was so glad I did. This book is so amazingly funny and I caught myself laughing again and again. I read this in the office as well and my seat mate even asked me if it was that funny. It seriously was.

This book was about a girl named Poppy who is just so... cute. She underestimate herself and always so careful with what she say to people until one day he path was crossed with someone who doesn't care about being nice to people.

Her thoughts are so funny and sometimes, I do get annoyed with her but the book.... got me engaged in her decision making.

There was even a Harry Potter reference! I could not get over it and I decided to tweet to Sophie Kinsella herself about it. 

She replied me.

The moment I got that notification, I was over the moon (hypothetically, of course)! she confirmed it and I knew, in that instance, that I would read her books again. 

I even bought some other books by her and I just recently finished "Can you keep a secret?" 

and I absolutely love it! I am an fan of hers now and I even might re read her Shopoholic series again because I wasn't really fair on my judgement towards Becky Bloomwood.  

I have bought her "Wedding night" as well 

and remembering skipping a few pages because I just wanted to know how it ended and also because... at that point, I was a ... sexually deprive female and this chick lit books were pissing me off with lack of sexual encounter. 

That's embarrassing to remember But I will try to find it in my closet of books (yep, you read that right. Not shelves but a closet..and it's SUPER messy.), I am sure I saw it the other day. Ha.

In the mean time, though, I will start reading "Twenties girl"

I seriously cannot wait to start reading this because this time, it's not a man that comes into the main protagonist life. It's her aunt... well the ghost of her aunt. I am sure this is wickedly funny as well.

I will let you know!

I have become quite jaded

I don't know if it's the lacklustre love life that I have or just how the whole god damn world is just so chaotic right now.

Seriously, flights crashing over and over again, the war in Gaza due to land, power and two religions that have probably have more similar ideologies than they do difference and so many other fuck up things that just continue to happen with no future of stopping.

How do one find love?

Or even think about finding love?

I have been quite a cynic nowadays with my opinions about love, boyfriends and everything that has anything to do with the former.

It probably is because I have been trying to look for it for quite sometime, thinking that, hey, I am being proactive and this is what I should have done ages ago.

Now, here I am, as single as ever.

Nothing but bad things just happened when I try to find this "love/companionship". Being so green about the whole thing, you can't stop people from trying to take advantage of you and if you show the  slightest sign of your insecurities, they will not hesitate to just try to break you down.

Why do people do this? Why destroy someone who they are clearly not attracted to and just try to ruin them? WHY?

What is the pleasure in being in control all the fucking time. What is the thrill in reigning over someone.

What is the pleasure of leading someone one and just dropping them like they're nothing.

This is probably just my hormones talking because I never blog like this.

This just seem like a very rationale thought right now.

It's my blog, so screw you.

Hanging out with the girls (Sunday #2)

I hung with my beautiful ladies today.

The plan was to meet every sunday and just hang out with each other. I initially cancelled the plan but Isabella messaged and I really missed them and decided to join them.

We decided to eat something decent this time cause the last time was Mcdonalds  and we didn't want to have that yet again... so it was Pastamania.

I know, not the best pasta in town but it was within our budget as broke people and we had our fill (but right now, I am seriously hungry again.)

One topic was about feminism and I remember the topic got really intense but thats us and I love that about my friends. We put our opinions out on the table and discuss it, we would challenge each other but not disrespect our output.

Most of the time when I have this type of discussions, I usually have a different outlook on how I view things.  It opens my mind a little.

We had desert after dinner and went for beer right after. I drank this cranberry beer that tasted so good.

I know, it's a girt's drink but it really does taste quite awesome.


Here are some pictures we took before drinking... My girls and their selfies. Loves.

What a long time since I blog comfortably on a laptop. That's right guys, I have finally bought myself a new laptop.

But not just any laptop; it's the new july refreshed 13' inch macbook pro.

The journey to this moment was not an easy feat I must say, it includes a lot of sacrifice and also a lot  time slogging at work.

Guys, the overtime I had to do, it was absolutely ridiculous but here I am, writing this blog as comfortably as I can and not using my iPod.

On that note, I am thinking of getting a NEW iPod for my birthday and also a disc slot for this macbook as it does not have any cd compartment and I have ALOT of music.

Back to subject, I went out today with my sister (since pay was already in) at around 1:30 pm and went to my work place first to collect a bag I bought from my colleague. The bag was simply splendid but one disappointment was finding that it did not have a laptop compartment that I thought I saw in the picture. However, the bag was simply too cute and it's in a turquoise and I absolutely adored it.

Also, it matched my outfit today.

Fast forward, my sister and I proceeded to Paragon Mall at Orchard and bought the Macbook Pro. I wanted it to have a longer story but that didn't happen. I knew what I wanted and told the sales person and I was done in 5 minutes.

At the cashier though, my heart beat went faster cause I was so scared that the card might get rejected (a fear I always seem to have when I am purchasing stuff that happens to be in the thousands) but my card manage to pull it through and viola!

I used to use the 1st generation Macbook White and it was damage early 2012, it was on borrowed time.

As you can clearly see, this is a really old Macbook... well adios.

Here's the new MacBook Pro

it's pretty dope owning this laptop. 

all my hard work fruition. 

I will be making a Vlog soon and be talking about this Macbook and the future contents...

LOVES IT!

The group of friends I have

I met my girls today after so long not meeting them. 

When I say so long it probably means that we have not met in one month. It might not seem long for some but it's tremendously excruciating not to see them in just a week. 

There was so much that we caught up today. I have not seen my dearest friend, Razia, in so long and it was great to meet her again. She's finally graduated from university and have entered real life. Since the last I met Razia, she has become more gutsy now which is pretty cool to see her evolve into. Ah.. I really do miss this friend so dearly. 

All of us, Isabella, Christine, Champa, Liyana and Razia were laughing merrily as we talk about the past and how it used to be. And the future and how grim it all looks. The present that have a few exciting journey for some *ahemchampaahem* of us. 

Also, realizing all of us are bipolar since we have extreme high highs conversation and low lows stoning. Hahahah.

I just am so glad that they are apart of my life because they accept me just like this and love just as I am. I really don't know what I do if I ever lose them. 

What has been going on?

Can you guys believe that June is already ending and we have journeyed into half of 2014?

It's crazy because its moving on so fast and I feel like I need to catch my breath. 

It's been a good year. I know I have complain about my work but honestly, this is the best work place I have ever even in. 

I realized that if you have an issue with someone, it's best to talk it out with that person and you will feel better and you're relationship with that person will get better. 

And it did for me. I am good with EVERYONE at work. So ignore my rants about unfairness. 

I have grown mature. 

Or at least, getting wiser. 

I do hope you guys would have a blast in July! 

Unjust moment

How do we all handle unjust moments?

I know how handle it. 

By keeping quiet and let it all just be. 

I am such a coward and such a people pleaser. 

it has become such a bad condition that i just sit down rummaging through my  brain trying to understand the reason why they have unjustly extend my probation period. 

And the reason is very very unjust. 

It boggles my mind because they told me I have a condescending tone but the thing is, I work around people who have condescending tone and yet see where they are. 

A freaking supervisor. 

It's unbelievable. I don't have any complaints against me and I don't have any product knowledge issue. 

It's so unjust and unfair. 

But hey, we are living in a world where we just kiss people asses, right?

I wish I could just stop doing that.  

Well, it has been awhile.

It has been quite some time since I last blog about anything at all.

We just entered the new year and everybody is buzzing about resolution. If you're curious what mine is, don't be. 

I don't have any resolution. 

I have become one of those who knows that she would probably just not ever make her resolution happen. It is just jinx. 

I know a lot of people would say; "you have to put your mind in it. Mind over matter." 

Well, screw you. It ain't easy and it will never be easy. 

Geez, I sound so negative. 

I don't know. Must be the hormones.