How I have been handling my life

Life in 2014 started off on a good start.

I had a good job.

I really do love my job.

The work dynamic in my place is just amazing.

I am planning on an amazing trip to London. I can hardly wait for that.

I have the most amazing friends I could ever asked for.

I have a family that I love (and totally hate at the same time)

I have my sister (and she happens to be one of best friends of all time)


I have came to learn on the importance of not caring too much about finding love and just letting it go. I have signed up and deleted on countless online dating website and again and again I have come up with nothing.

And just disappointed and also, I just got extremely tired because it was endless rounds of first dates. So I give up.

I am done with all this finding love thing. I am letting it be whatever it may be and if I end up totally alone in that department, I am good.

I am little burnt by this and may feel a little sad about this but realistically, I don't have time to be sad about it that much.

Time is ticking away and if I keep holding myself back,  I am just going to regret it. So I am going to start travelling around the world and also lose the weight if I could and I should. Oh well. I hope to prove some people wrong this coming new year and also... um, maybe get slimmer so I can buy more clothes for myself.

Haha.

This year is really one of the year that I've become my own, you know? I've embrace me and even my sister said I've changed a little.

I've become this person who won't take bullshit anymore and I've learnt to be more confrontational with things I've believe in.

Ok, not all the time, I still keep thoughts to myself. I remember Christine asking me once; why I wasn't confrontational and I couldn't give an answer and she asked; "is it because you blame yourself?"

and it all clicked.  I think the reason why I am not confrontational is because my mind works two to three steps ahead if I do voice out my thoughts.

like, would it really help the situation if I said what was going to say? will I regret it later on? Will I even win in this argument? Am I really NOT in the wrong here?

and most of the time, I think too much and I coward out. I just can't bring myself into hurting someone with my words and saying something I don't really mean and also, when I know if I just keep quiet, the person would see he/she was wrong and we can talk about it when we are not arguing and I would understand that he/she didn't mean it and I won't take it the wrong way.

But with all that being said, I don't take bullshit anymore not when I know I AM ON THE RIGHT SIDE. I speak out more and I am getting better at not feeling so guilty. I am still working on it.

What else?

I see the bigger picture in life now, and I try my hardest not to look at people as if they're insane or just weird. I try to embrace and not judge anyone now and I even encourage people to see that weird is unique and there is nothing wrong with that. I try.

I am happy. I can tell you that. Life is not perfect but I am happy with where I am right now. It's been a good year for me and I am looking forward to the new year, there's so much I want to do in 2015 and I do hope I get to do it.

See you in 2015.