Ok majar bitching session is on NOW! Curse that stupid stupid warner brothers for delaying HPHBP to july next year. LIAR! Thanks NISA for bringing me the news!!!!!!!!! I hate this. I cannot breath! I need to be a bitch! This is bad! I cannot believe it. I have been waiting all YEAR ROUND FOR THIS FUCKING MOVIE! Ok you know it's bad...when I STTART TO SWEAR!!!! I wanna cry seriously!!!! When I first found out...my heart DROPPED.
How can this be happening. STUPID WRITERS STRIKE! It is because of that!!! I cannot believe it.......it's 11 more months!!!! If you do not believe me you can check out the site itself. Trust me YOU WILL BE DISAPPOINTED (did I spell that correctly?) I hate this, it's making my PMS even worst. I cannot control my feelings of disappointment. I mean if I didn't have a PMS today....I think I would have been more rational.....OKAY MAYBE NOT!!!! Definitely not. I would probably be the same.
Well.....there's twilight this year. And if that is going to be postpone....I am seriously going to...going to...going to....I don't know what I will do. I really don't know. I think I would seriously breakdown.
I am at Raz house and she's playing the piano now....it's quite soothing. Makes me a little happy. I am smiling....
This is disappointing. I am sad. Please.....Please make this a nightmare....
It's not real...
It's not real...
It's not real...
It's totally happening. I AM DOOMED! SCREW YOU STUPID WARNER BROTHERS!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Chapter 15
Daniel was getting fed up. Nothing that he was doing was getting Megan closer to him. He did everything he could to get her away from that stupid boyfriend of hers. But, instead of getting her closer, she seemed distant lately. He only gets to see her during rehearsal and nowhere else. One day, when all of them were finished with rehearsing before going to the real set for real filming of the movie, Daniel quickly caught up with Megan before she could escape.
“Hey Megan, can we talk for a while.” Daniel asked. Megan sighed and nodded.
“Sure.”
“In private? Is that ok?” Daniel said, his eyes pleading. Megan felt sorry for him and followed him outside the room to the canteen. When they finally reach there, Megan sat opposite of Daniel and looked at him expectantly.
“Are you avoiding me?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” Daniel asked as he felt his blood boil with anger. How could his fear be coming true? His heart pumped with fear as Megan tried to say something.
“Daniel, I don’t think this conversation will get us anywhere. Please, Daniel.”
“Megan, I want to know why.”
“You’re scaring me, Dan. I feel like I am being haunted by you.” Daniel tensed up when Megan said those words. His brain started to work again and he knew that Megan was scared with his action but he could not help it. She was the closest he could get to her. Megan smiled sympathetically. Daniel was repulsed with himself. How could he let Megan fear him. He should not be selfish. Megan explained to him in a tone that Megan hoped to be comforting. After explaining, Megan squeezed Daniel hand’s and walk away. Daniel stared at his hand. He thought he was over Carla garner but facing reality, he was far from over.
Daniel drove all the way home with his head questioning himself. He was really confused on why he was reacting this way towards Megan. He heard a small voice in his brain saying that she was Carla. Daniel stopped in front of the porch of his house and stayed in the car, contemplating. What can he do to make sure that he has move on? Should he really seek professional help? Daniel knew the answer to that. it came like lightning. The answer was definitely yes. It was time he see someone professional to help him through this crisis.
As Daniel sat in the large sofa that could have fit 3 people, his palm was wet from all his perspiration. He did not know why he was so nervous. One thing for sure, his dad was delighted when Daniel finally wanted to get help. His father was the first to recommend his friend, Ms. Cullen, to Daniel saying that she was the best psychological practitioner in town. Daniel did not delay and called her straight away. The sooner he solve his brain problems, the better he would be. He would not allow himself to be mentally derange. Finally , the door to the big room creaked open and in came, Ms. Cullen. Daniel mouth fell open. She was the most beautiful person he had ever seen in his entire life.
“Good morning. I hope I did not keep you waiting.” She chimed. Her voice was full of bells that seem to soothe him like a song. Daniel did not respond not because he could not find his voice but because his voice was nowhere to be found. So, he just nodded.
“So what can I do for you today, Mr. Radcliffe? From you father, he said that you have a hard time adjusting after the death of your girlfriend.” Ms. Cullen said as she sat on a chair that was opposite daniel’s and crossed her legs, with a clipboard on her lap. Daniel could feel his heart pumping and his brain suddenly squashed. Ms. Cullen was outrageously beautiful and he could not understand why he was feeling all hyped. He could no longer hide the feelings that were making his blood rushed through his veins as if there was a cut. Suddenly, he faintly remembered why he was there in the room. He came here to heal. To let Carla be just a memory in him and not control him. He did not knew for one second that he was already healed. It was like Carla was working her magic on him again. It was like she wanted to make him crazy thinking of her so he could finally see what he has been waiting to help him heal. In this case it was who.
Ms. Cullen was still patiently waiting for Daniel to say something and Daniel could not help but muse at the thought that he must be acting very weird right now. Daniel sat up straighter-or as straight he could- and took a deep breath before he began. For the first time, it felt like he was a new born. The scent coming from Ms. Cullen was amazingly beautiful.
“Well, I think that is about right. A moment ago.” Daniel replied to her. Ms. Cullen face was puzzled. Daniel smiled at her knowing that he probably made no sense at all.
“Ok...well, why don’t you tell me what is it that is bothering you so much. You can tell me anything. It will be just between us.” Ms. Cullen said as she, once again, stared at Daniel waiting for a response.
“I miss her. For awhile, I think her memory has been haunting me. I could not let go..” Daniel said as he went on about Carla like he never had to anyone. Amazingly he felt the weight on his shoulders being lifted. It was not the same as talking to his dad about Carla. This time, Daniel was not as angry and he knew why. Ms. Cullen was the one listening this time. This actually made it a lot easier for Daniel and although he knew that Ms. Cullen was listening because she had to, from her facial expression, Daniel could not help but feel that she wants to hear it. As if she really wants to help him heal.
After one hour talking and listening to advice, it was time to leave. Daniel made it a point to have another appointment with Mandy. That was Ms. Cullen first name. Daniel was glad that Mandy was nice enough to see him again although it was 2 weeks later.
“So I will see you on the 23rd of September then, Daniel.” Mandy said as she held the door to her office.
“Sure thing, doc. It’s really nice in here. Quite comfy.” Daniel said as he put on his parka in the office; looking around seemingly to appreciate the decor of the room. When in fact the real appreciation he would have given would be to Mandy. Daniel looked at her for the last time before leaving and hearing the click sound the door made when Mandy shut it behind him.
Daniel was getting fed up. Nothing that he was doing was getting Megan closer to him. He did everything he could to get her away from that stupid boyfriend of hers. But, instead of getting her closer, she seemed distant lately. He only gets to see her during rehearsal and nowhere else. One day, when all of them were finished with rehearsing before going to the real set for real filming of the movie, Daniel quickly caught up with Megan before she could escape.
“Hey Megan, can we talk for a while.” Daniel asked. Megan sighed and nodded.
“Sure.”
“In private? Is that ok?” Daniel said, his eyes pleading. Megan felt sorry for him and followed him outside the room to the canteen. When they finally reach there, Megan sat opposite of Daniel and looked at him expectantly.
“Are you avoiding me?”
“Yes.”
“Why?” Daniel asked as he felt his blood boil with anger. How could his fear be coming true? His heart pumped with fear as Megan tried to say something.
“Daniel, I don’t think this conversation will get us anywhere. Please, Daniel.”
“Megan, I want to know why.”
“You’re scaring me, Dan. I feel like I am being haunted by you.” Daniel tensed up when Megan said those words. His brain started to work again and he knew that Megan was scared with his action but he could not help it. She was the closest he could get to her. Megan smiled sympathetically. Daniel was repulsed with himself. How could he let Megan fear him. He should not be selfish. Megan explained to him in a tone that Megan hoped to be comforting. After explaining, Megan squeezed Daniel hand’s and walk away. Daniel stared at his hand. He thought he was over Carla garner but facing reality, he was far from over.
Daniel drove all the way home with his head questioning himself. He was really confused on why he was reacting this way towards Megan. He heard a small voice in his brain saying that she was Carla. Daniel stopped in front of the porch of his house and stayed in the car, contemplating. What can he do to make sure that he has move on? Should he really seek professional help? Daniel knew the answer to that. it came like lightning. The answer was definitely yes. It was time he see someone professional to help him through this crisis.
As Daniel sat in the large sofa that could have fit 3 people, his palm was wet from all his perspiration. He did not know why he was so nervous. One thing for sure, his dad was delighted when Daniel finally wanted to get help. His father was the first to recommend his friend, Ms. Cullen, to Daniel saying that she was the best psychological practitioner in town. Daniel did not delay and called her straight away. The sooner he solve his brain problems, the better he would be. He would not allow himself to be mentally derange. Finally , the door to the big room creaked open and in came, Ms. Cullen. Daniel mouth fell open. She was the most beautiful person he had ever seen in his entire life.
“Good morning. I hope I did not keep you waiting.” She chimed. Her voice was full of bells that seem to soothe him like a song. Daniel did not respond not because he could not find his voice but because his voice was nowhere to be found. So, he just nodded.
“So what can I do for you today, Mr. Radcliffe? From you father, he said that you have a hard time adjusting after the death of your girlfriend.” Ms. Cullen said as she sat on a chair that was opposite daniel’s and crossed her legs, with a clipboard on her lap. Daniel could feel his heart pumping and his brain suddenly squashed. Ms. Cullen was outrageously beautiful and he could not understand why he was feeling all hyped. He could no longer hide the feelings that were making his blood rushed through his veins as if there was a cut. Suddenly, he faintly remembered why he was there in the room. He came here to heal. To let Carla be just a memory in him and not control him. He did not knew for one second that he was already healed. It was like Carla was working her magic on him again. It was like she wanted to make him crazy thinking of her so he could finally see what he has been waiting to help him heal. In this case it was who.
Ms. Cullen was still patiently waiting for Daniel to say something and Daniel could not help but muse at the thought that he must be acting very weird right now. Daniel sat up straighter-or as straight he could- and took a deep breath before he began. For the first time, it felt like he was a new born. The scent coming from Ms. Cullen was amazingly beautiful.
“Well, I think that is about right. A moment ago.” Daniel replied to her. Ms. Cullen face was puzzled. Daniel smiled at her knowing that he probably made no sense at all.
“Ok...well, why don’t you tell me what is it that is bothering you so much. You can tell me anything. It will be just between us.” Ms. Cullen said as she, once again, stared at Daniel waiting for a response.
“I miss her. For awhile, I think her memory has been haunting me. I could not let go..” Daniel said as he went on about Carla like he never had to anyone. Amazingly he felt the weight on his shoulders being lifted. It was not the same as talking to his dad about Carla. This time, Daniel was not as angry and he knew why. Ms. Cullen was the one listening this time. This actually made it a lot easier for Daniel and although he knew that Ms. Cullen was listening because she had to, from her facial expression, Daniel could not help but feel that she wants to hear it. As if she really wants to help him heal.
After one hour talking and listening to advice, it was time to leave. Daniel made it a point to have another appointment with Mandy. That was Ms. Cullen first name. Daniel was glad that Mandy was nice enough to see him again although it was 2 weeks later.
“So I will see you on the 23rd of September then, Daniel.” Mandy said as she held the door to her office.
“Sure thing, doc. It’s really nice in here. Quite comfy.” Daniel said as he put on his parka in the office; looking around seemingly to appreciate the decor of the room. When in fact the real appreciation he would have given would be to Mandy. Daniel looked at her for the last time before leaving and hearing the click sound the door made when Mandy shut it behind him.
A year passed and Daniel has gotten life the way it was. He still thinks of Carla but he found it ok to talk about her when he was interviewed. He missed and he was moving on, for her. Daniel was back at the set for behind the scene 2. He was waiting to see who will be playing Carla’s character, Rose. He wouldn’t be surprised if the producer could not find anyone. Carla was one good actress that was hard to be replaced. Daniel saw Sophia coming in from the left entrance door and when she saw him, she came towards him and gave him a hug.
“Who do you think will be Rose this year?” she asked as she, too, waited to see the new actress. Finally the door opened and Daniel could not believe his eyes. Carla came in through the door with the nervous look. Daniel looked at Sophia’s reaction and it wasn’t any different from what he felt; shocked.
Mr. Dean, the producer, came in with a look of understanding on his face. He knew why Daniel and Sophia reaction were one of shock. This girl looked exactly like Carla. Although if one to look at her closely there is a slight difference. When Mr. Dean was right in front of the two shocked actors, he started to introduce the new girl in the bunch.
“Daniel and Sophia, I would very much like you to meet Megan.” He said. Megan smiled and placed her hand out for Sophia to shake. Sophia very slowly shook the hand and smiled. She realized that on a closer look, Megan looked a little different although the difference wasn’t much.
“It’s nice to meet you, Sophia. I am a big fan of One Three Hill. It’s awesome!” Megan said excitedly. She quickly turned to Daniel and beamed at him. To her, Harry Potter was her life and there he was, Daniel Radcliffe, living and breathing in front of him. He placed out his hand and she shook it with a big enthusiasm. When Daniel touch her hand, he was expecting fireworks but none came. He could not believe Megan looked like Carla but was nothing like her at the same time. His head was pounding and he could not stop looking at her. he tried to remind himself that this was not Carla. This was a different person but Daniel could not help think that, maybe, Carla was finally back in his life.
After the first rehearsal, Daniel asked Megan if she wanted to eat lunch with him just like the first time he asked Carla a year ago.
“Sorry, but I don’t think I can. You see, my boyfriend is waiting for me outside. But, maybe, you can join us. He’s a big Harry Potter fan too!” Megan said, beaming. Daniel felt his heart drop to the floor. Megan had a boyfriend. Daniel tried to say something in reply but he could not find his voice. Megan waited and stared at Daniel, still Daniel could not find his voice. His disappointment was too great to handle.
“Daniel, are you ok?” Megan asked when she realized that Daniel was getting paler by the minute.
“yeah, I am fine. I’ll see you later then. Have a nice day with your boyfriend.” Daniel said, his voice sounded rougher than he intended too. Megan was shocked but Daniel walked away before his brain went fuzzy. What was wrong with him? He did not have the answer. He was so confuse. Megan reminded him so much of Carla that he was believing that Carla came back alive.
It’s the heavens at work. Carla is back as Megan. I am going to do everything I can to be with her. no matter what it takes, Daniel thought to himself. The first thing he has to do was get rid of the stupid boyfriend. Somehow, he knew the only way was to convince Megan that he was the one for her.
Megan was happy that she gets to act alongside Daniel Radcliffe, the famous Harry Potter actor. But he was making her uncomfortable as the day went pass. The first week of rehearsal, Megan was getting nervous as Daniel was trying to get close to her, to the point that she really feel that she needed to get away from him. Megan told him, clearly, three times that week that she had a boyfriend hoping that he would back away however Daniel seemed to cling to her even more. Megan did not know what else to do to get him off her back. Megan’s boyfriend, Nick Francis, noticed that Megan was worried and asked her what was wrong when they were in his car one day.
“Nothing.” She said in exasperation as she put her hand on the temple and stared out from the car window.
“Come on, Megs. You used to be the one chatting in this car until we reach your home.”
“I don’t know. I think Daniel likes me.”
“Isn’t that a good thing? I mean you have to work with him for about 8 months.” Nick said as Carla turned to face him.
“Nick, he likes me as in he might want me to go on a date. He’s been hinting at it.” Megan said as she looked at him. Nick stopped the car, deciding that this was something that is bugging Megan to the point that as a boyfriend he should give her his undivided attention. When he finally found a place to stop the car, he turned to face her; she looked more worried than ever.
“I really don’t know what to do, Nick. I mean he just won’t bug off. I create up a whole bunch of nonsense but he’s everywhere. I made it a point that I have a boyfriend and I deliberately kiss you just so he catch that I am serious about having a boyfriend.” She said.
“Oh, is that the reason why you have been extra nice to me these past three weeks?” Nick joked. Megan blushed and punched nick on his arms for teasing her. Nick laughed and leaned in to kiss Megan, who accepted it by returning his kiss. When they broke apart, Nick place one hand on Megan’s face; his thumb gently stroking her cheeks.
“Megs, you know the real reason why he’s hunting down like a vulture, right?” he asked, looking in her eyes. Megan looked at him thoughtfully and realised that she knew the real reason why Daniel liked her. She was almost like a clone of the late Carla Garner, who was Daniel last girlfriend. Megan sighed.
“I guess. But I am not her, nick. I am yours.” Megan said with such sincerity that Nick could not help himself and kissed her again. This time with all his soul.
“I love you, Megs.” Nick said when they broke apart. Nick put the key in the ignition as start the car. Megan beamed as she heard the first L word that came out from Nick’s mouth.
“You do?”
“Why, don’t you?”
“I do.”
“Good, cause if you don’t, I see that Emma Watson is quite hot up close.”
“Nick!”
“Just joking.” With that, nick and Megan continued teasing each other until they reached Megan’s home. Nick smiled as he finally gotten back the real Megan back in his car.
“Who do you think will be Rose this year?” she asked as she, too, waited to see the new actress. Finally the door opened and Daniel could not believe his eyes. Carla came in through the door with the nervous look. Daniel looked at Sophia’s reaction and it wasn’t any different from what he felt; shocked.
Mr. Dean, the producer, came in with a look of understanding on his face. He knew why Daniel and Sophia reaction were one of shock. This girl looked exactly like Carla. Although if one to look at her closely there is a slight difference. When Mr. Dean was right in front of the two shocked actors, he started to introduce the new girl in the bunch.
“Daniel and Sophia, I would very much like you to meet Megan.” He said. Megan smiled and placed her hand out for Sophia to shake. Sophia very slowly shook the hand and smiled. She realized that on a closer look, Megan looked a little different although the difference wasn’t much.
“It’s nice to meet you, Sophia. I am a big fan of One Three Hill. It’s awesome!” Megan said excitedly. She quickly turned to Daniel and beamed at him. To her, Harry Potter was her life and there he was, Daniel Radcliffe, living and breathing in front of him. He placed out his hand and she shook it with a big enthusiasm. When Daniel touch her hand, he was expecting fireworks but none came. He could not believe Megan looked like Carla but was nothing like her at the same time. His head was pounding and he could not stop looking at her. he tried to remind himself that this was not Carla. This was a different person but Daniel could not help think that, maybe, Carla was finally back in his life.
After the first rehearsal, Daniel asked Megan if she wanted to eat lunch with him just like the first time he asked Carla a year ago.
“Sorry, but I don’t think I can. You see, my boyfriend is waiting for me outside. But, maybe, you can join us. He’s a big Harry Potter fan too!” Megan said, beaming. Daniel felt his heart drop to the floor. Megan had a boyfriend. Daniel tried to say something in reply but he could not find his voice. Megan waited and stared at Daniel, still Daniel could not find his voice. His disappointment was too great to handle.
“Daniel, are you ok?” Megan asked when she realized that Daniel was getting paler by the minute.
“yeah, I am fine. I’ll see you later then. Have a nice day with your boyfriend.” Daniel said, his voice sounded rougher than he intended too. Megan was shocked but Daniel walked away before his brain went fuzzy. What was wrong with him? He did not have the answer. He was so confuse. Megan reminded him so much of Carla that he was believing that Carla came back alive.
It’s the heavens at work. Carla is back as Megan. I am going to do everything I can to be with her. no matter what it takes, Daniel thought to himself. The first thing he has to do was get rid of the stupid boyfriend. Somehow, he knew the only way was to convince Megan that he was the one for her.
Megan was happy that she gets to act alongside Daniel Radcliffe, the famous Harry Potter actor. But he was making her uncomfortable as the day went pass. The first week of rehearsal, Megan was getting nervous as Daniel was trying to get close to her, to the point that she really feel that she needed to get away from him. Megan told him, clearly, three times that week that she had a boyfriend hoping that he would back away however Daniel seemed to cling to her even more. Megan did not know what else to do to get him off her back. Megan’s boyfriend, Nick Francis, noticed that Megan was worried and asked her what was wrong when they were in his car one day.
“Nothing.” She said in exasperation as she put her hand on the temple and stared out from the car window.
“Come on, Megs. You used to be the one chatting in this car until we reach your home.”
“I don’t know. I think Daniel likes me.”
“Isn’t that a good thing? I mean you have to work with him for about 8 months.” Nick said as Carla turned to face him.
“Nick, he likes me as in he might want me to go on a date. He’s been hinting at it.” Megan said as she looked at him. Nick stopped the car, deciding that this was something that is bugging Megan to the point that as a boyfriend he should give her his undivided attention. When he finally found a place to stop the car, he turned to face her; she looked more worried than ever.
“I really don’t know what to do, Nick. I mean he just won’t bug off. I create up a whole bunch of nonsense but he’s everywhere. I made it a point that I have a boyfriend and I deliberately kiss you just so he catch that I am serious about having a boyfriend.” She said.
“Oh, is that the reason why you have been extra nice to me these past three weeks?” Nick joked. Megan blushed and punched nick on his arms for teasing her. Nick laughed and leaned in to kiss Megan, who accepted it by returning his kiss. When they broke apart, Nick place one hand on Megan’s face; his thumb gently stroking her cheeks.
“Megs, you know the real reason why he’s hunting down like a vulture, right?” he asked, looking in her eyes. Megan looked at him thoughtfully and realised that she knew the real reason why Daniel liked her. She was almost like a clone of the late Carla Garner, who was Daniel last girlfriend. Megan sighed.
“I guess. But I am not her, nick. I am yours.” Megan said with such sincerity that Nick could not help himself and kissed her again. This time with all his soul.
“I love you, Megs.” Nick said when they broke apart. Nick put the key in the ignition as start the car. Megan beamed as she heard the first L word that came out from Nick’s mouth.
“You do?”
“Why, don’t you?”
“I do.”
“Good, cause if you don’t, I see that Emma Watson is quite hot up close.”
“Nick!”
“Just joking.” With that, nick and Megan continued teasing each other until they reached Megan’s home. Nick smiled as he finally gotten back the real Megan back in his car.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Hey Peeps....In my last blog I mention something about me writting a A kind of Harry Potter fan fiction...Well I did. Here's the link:
www.roseandscorpious.blogspot.com
Mind you, you have to understand that this is about Rose Weasley and Scorpious Malfoy. And not about Harry.
www.roseandscorpious.blogspot.com
Mind you, you have to understand that this is about Rose Weasley and Scorpious Malfoy. And not about Harry.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Chapter 13
It’s been four months and Daniel Radcliffe was no longer the man that he uses to be. Carla died a month after the findings of her cancer. She refused treatment and she just wanted to enjoy life. Carla spent the whole month with her family, friends and of course Daniel. Daniel was the last one to hold her hands as the eyes that he had love slowly became blank and the loosening of her hands in his indicating she had left. Left him forever.
After just days of Carla’s funeral, the paparazzi and press were merciless and asked him about Carla. He couldn’t believe such beasts exist on the face of the planet. He could not get out of his house until his dad came in and talked to him for awhile. Now Daniel went out as usual and although the press and paparazzi were still asking question, people were soon forgetting about Carla. But she haunted him day in and day out. He just could not forget her and almost cried himself to sleep every night. The memories of her were left in photographs that he keeps under his pillow so it was easy for him to keep her alive in his heart.
“Promise me you’ll move on, Daniel.”
Those were the last words that she had left him and wanting to fulfil his promise, he did try to move on. Tried to be happy. Tried to go on dates. Tried to go out to party. But that was the problem, he tried. All of which brought nothing but guilt and longing in his heart even more. He wants to be with her. There was nothing more that he wanted. She was his life and now that she was gone, he felt that he was dead. Daniel got up from his bed and walked over his study table to take out a pen knife that he used to cut papers and what not. He placed the pen knife on his wrist and was about to slit it open before his dad came in and quickly snatch the pen knife away. Daniel was breathing hard and looked at his father.
“Daniel, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” His father bellowed. His father face was burning and there were angry tears that fell from his father eyes. Daniel felt guilty not because he wanted to kill himself but because he had made his father cried. But he can’t live anymore. He didn’t want to. Carla was waiting for him and he could feel her calling him.
“Daniel, please. Let us talk.” Daniel’s father gestured to the bed and Daniel followed suit. Both of the men stared at the floor at loss of words. Daniel was thinking of Carla and what she would do if she had been here. Would she smile? Would she laugh? Would she hold him tight? The questions were pushing him to breaking point. He just could not figure out how he could not think of anything else but Carla. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Speak, son. Just tell me how you feel. It will help. If it doesn’t, I swear, I will give you this knife and you could kill yourself. But you have to tell me every bit of truth about your feelings. Just let it out.” Daniel could not believe his ears, was he given the permission to die and be with Carla if he let out what’s been going on in his head? The longing to be with Carla increase and he just let it out to his father.
“I want to be with her. I can’t live like this. She is in my mind all the time and she’s haunting me, dad. I see her shadows hiding everywhere.” Daniel said as tears started to fall and he could feel the weight of sadness started to life the more he talked out loud to his dad. He kept on talking and he felt great talking about Carla to someone who listened. The more Daniel poured out the more he realized that he felt better and he felt like what he did was wrong. Killing himself was not what Carla wanted him to do. He knew this before but telling someone about this just helped him to understand better.
“She wanted me to be happy. Wanted me to move on. She wanted me to be happy. With or without her.” Daniel finished as his tears just slide down his face like a waterfall.
“You just said it. She wanted you to move on, Dan. Not kill yourself.”
“But I miss her so much. I am longing for her. I don’t want to be alone.” Daniel said as he realized that he was going crazy because he was alone.
“Daniel, you’re not alone in this. Imagine her mother at home. She lost a daughter, Dan. But she’s strong because of Carla. She’s being strong for Carla, Daniel. Maybe you’re being selfish. Maybe you don’t love as much as you think you do cause if you do, you would be strong Daniel. For Carla.” Daniel looked at his father and could not believe the words that were coming out if his mouth. How could he say such a thing? Daniel loved Carla more than he did himself. Daniel was so angry that if his father was a stranger, Daniel would have punch his face. When his father got up to leave, he walked to the study table and placed the pen knife.
“You can kill yourself, now.” His father said and was about to walk out of the door. Daniel got up and took the pen knife and placed it on his wrist once again.
“YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE? HOW CAN YOU SAY ALL THOSE THINGS? I LOVE CARLA MORE THAN ANYTHING! I WANT TO KILL MYSELF SO I CAN BE WITH HER!” Daniel bellowed. His father turned calmly and faced Daniel.
“Do you realize how selfish you sound? Son, you’re doing this for yourself. If you love Carla, you would have think of her. How she wanted you to be happy for her.” With those words, Daniel’s father left and shut the door. Comprehension dawn on Daniel like never before. He dropped the pen knife on the floor and sat on his chair. His hands covering his face as his father words played in his mind. He realized that he was, indeed, being selfish. Daniel look at his reflection on the wall, he hated the selfish person he saw. Carla would not have wanted this for him. He should try, this time with all his heart, to fulfil the promise he made for Carla again. Daniel nodded to his reflection to assure that this was the right thing to do. To move on.
Sorry it took so long people, but now I know where I am heading you bet you will see more. BTW, I started something today and that is A Harry Potter Fanfic... I might create a website just for it soon...I'l let you know.
It’s been four months and Daniel Radcliffe was no longer the man that he uses to be. Carla died a month after the findings of her cancer. She refused treatment and she just wanted to enjoy life. Carla spent the whole month with her family, friends and of course Daniel. Daniel was the last one to hold her hands as the eyes that he had love slowly became blank and the loosening of her hands in his indicating she had left. Left him forever.
After just days of Carla’s funeral, the paparazzi and press were merciless and asked him about Carla. He couldn’t believe such beasts exist on the face of the planet. He could not get out of his house until his dad came in and talked to him for awhile. Now Daniel went out as usual and although the press and paparazzi were still asking question, people were soon forgetting about Carla. But she haunted him day in and day out. He just could not forget her and almost cried himself to sleep every night. The memories of her were left in photographs that he keeps under his pillow so it was easy for him to keep her alive in his heart.
“Promise me you’ll move on, Daniel.”
Those were the last words that she had left him and wanting to fulfil his promise, he did try to move on. Tried to be happy. Tried to go on dates. Tried to go out to party. But that was the problem, he tried. All of which brought nothing but guilt and longing in his heart even more. He wants to be with her. There was nothing more that he wanted. She was his life and now that she was gone, he felt that he was dead. Daniel got up from his bed and walked over his study table to take out a pen knife that he used to cut papers and what not. He placed the pen knife on his wrist and was about to slit it open before his dad came in and quickly snatch the pen knife away. Daniel was breathing hard and looked at his father.
“Daniel, what the hell do you think you’re doing?” His father bellowed. His father face was burning and there were angry tears that fell from his father eyes. Daniel felt guilty not because he wanted to kill himself but because he had made his father cried. But he can’t live anymore. He didn’t want to. Carla was waiting for him and he could feel her calling him.
“Daniel, please. Let us talk.” Daniel’s father gestured to the bed and Daniel followed suit. Both of the men stared at the floor at loss of words. Daniel was thinking of Carla and what she would do if she had been here. Would she smile? Would she laugh? Would she hold him tight? The questions were pushing him to breaking point. He just could not figure out how he could not think of anything else but Carla. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Speak, son. Just tell me how you feel. It will help. If it doesn’t, I swear, I will give you this knife and you could kill yourself. But you have to tell me every bit of truth about your feelings. Just let it out.” Daniel could not believe his ears, was he given the permission to die and be with Carla if he let out what’s been going on in his head? The longing to be with Carla increase and he just let it out to his father.
“I want to be with her. I can’t live like this. She is in my mind all the time and she’s haunting me, dad. I see her shadows hiding everywhere.” Daniel said as tears started to fall and he could feel the weight of sadness started to life the more he talked out loud to his dad. He kept on talking and he felt great talking about Carla to someone who listened. The more Daniel poured out the more he realized that he felt better and he felt like what he did was wrong. Killing himself was not what Carla wanted him to do. He knew this before but telling someone about this just helped him to understand better.
“She wanted me to be happy. Wanted me to move on. She wanted me to be happy. With or without her.” Daniel finished as his tears just slide down his face like a waterfall.
“You just said it. She wanted you to move on, Dan. Not kill yourself.”
“But I miss her so much. I am longing for her. I don’t want to be alone.” Daniel said as he realized that he was going crazy because he was alone.
“Daniel, you’re not alone in this. Imagine her mother at home. She lost a daughter, Dan. But she’s strong because of Carla. She’s being strong for Carla, Daniel. Maybe you’re being selfish. Maybe you don’t love as much as you think you do cause if you do, you would be strong Daniel. For Carla.” Daniel looked at his father and could not believe the words that were coming out if his mouth. How could he say such a thing? Daniel loved Carla more than he did himself. Daniel was so angry that if his father was a stranger, Daniel would have punch his face. When his father got up to leave, he walked to the study table and placed the pen knife.
“You can kill yourself, now.” His father said and was about to walk out of the door. Daniel got up and took the pen knife and placed it on his wrist once again.
“YOU THINK THIS IS A JOKE? HOW CAN YOU SAY ALL THOSE THINGS? I LOVE CARLA MORE THAN ANYTHING! I WANT TO KILL MYSELF SO I CAN BE WITH HER!” Daniel bellowed. His father turned calmly and faced Daniel.
“Do you realize how selfish you sound? Son, you’re doing this for yourself. If you love Carla, you would have think of her. How she wanted you to be happy for her.” With those words, Daniel’s father left and shut the door. Comprehension dawn on Daniel like never before. He dropped the pen knife on the floor and sat on his chair. His hands covering his face as his father words played in his mind. He realized that he was, indeed, being selfish. Daniel look at his reflection on the wall, he hated the selfish person he saw. Carla would not have wanted this for him. He should try, this time with all his heart, to fulfil the promise he made for Carla again. Daniel nodded to his reflection to assure that this was the right thing to do. To move on.
Sorry it took so long people, but now I know where I am heading you bet you will see more. BTW, I started something today and that is A Harry Potter Fanfic... I might create a website just for it soon...I'l let you know.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
It’s the end of school. The end of hard work. The end of stress. Not. This is like summer break and I guess it is somehow true. It’s summer all year round in Singapore. Jealous? Don’t be. It’s not exactly fun. Like how summer should be. I did not attend school today as my illness really got the better of me; I have been trying to self heal and not seek doctor’s treatment, I really could not hold back the pain and decided it was time to go to the doctor for some medicine and of course MC. The bloody damn school needs it. I have been reading a lot of blogs lately and I have different response to it. Some blogs are really cool to read because they are really descriptive and interesting. It makes you see a picture instead. I hate blogs that are so difficult to read. Blogs that does not make sense. Why write something that does not make sense at all? Bloggers should know that blogs are meant for the general public to read. If you make it so difficult to understand, people would be piss. Maybe not. But I definitely am. I am not Sherlock Holmes, you know. I hate trying to read ‘between the lines’. It makes me feel like I am sitting for a test. So, I have found a new crave. It’s called the “House”. It’s a series that just aired in Singapore tonight and I fell in love with it immediately. Isabella has been talking about how she feel she is losing the “zest of life” lately and she’s really stress about it. I guess I have to agree with her. The education system is so systematic. I feel like we’re walking zombies trying to live. But we’re just dead. I need to get away from Singapore. It’s killing. That should be in the news headlines. A new murderer is roaming around; Singapore. I hope that’s the right punctuation. As everybody knows, I have video vlogs on YouTube. Ok, I guess not everyone knows about it. But, just so you know, I have an account and I do make videos. Lately, there have been really little viewers. I am not affected by it but I guess I am affected with what I make. They’re so fake. I realise that I act in my videos. I am trying so hard to be funny. When I don’t have to try because I am funny. I am not boasting. It’s a fact. So next time, I will try to be more real. And not fake it. Or bitch about someone in particular. I cannot believe what ‘she’ has done in the past. She even wrote it in her blog. It was disgusting. So now I bet you think I am hypocritical because I am not making sense. So here’s the deal. Let’s name ‘she’ Dahlia. Dahlia is pretty much a boaster. She gags and gags day long. She’s all about religion but the stupid thing is she does what she criticise and that is smooching a guy and talking about it on her blog. The shitty thing is she is not the only one I know who are hypocrites. There this dude who don’t like girls with short skirts and all. He claims that it’s ridiculous and against our religion. Let’s name this dude Andrew. Well, apparently, he has a gf and he does all the stuff that our religion forbids and post ‘kissy-kissy’ pictures on MySpace. So much for that. Just so you know Andrew, you’re a jackass and you really are on my nerve. Please do not make me hate you because I am on the verge of doing just that. Don’t be so pretentious and act like you’re so religions because if you were,you would know this particula fact that our religion states; holding a girl is just as bad as eating and touching pork. So just stop all your shit. Please. This blog is a bit random but I just have to let it out here. I need people to know. I just like that idea. People knowing me without knowing me. I want to watch Prince Caspian. I have not returned the book (Chronicles of Narnia) and I owe the library more than $5. Oh well. Thanks for reading. Do leave a comment. Haha. That’s what most youtubber say at the end of their videos. Sadly, I am part of the crowd.
Oh by the way, I hit a dead end for my story. If you have any ideas, do contact me at shillluvrsharry@hotmail.com. And please don’t send me some miracle shit. Carla is dead.
I am writing this on Microsoft word so I can just cut and paste. The internet connection is so corrupted with viruses and I am cannot get online. I hate this. So much hatred in me. I should learn how to appreciate. Trying. Oh no. My hands are getting numb.
Oh by the way, I hit a dead end for my story. If you have any ideas, do contact me at shillluvrsharry@hotmail.com. And please don’t send me some miracle shit. Carla is dead.
I am writing this on Microsoft word so I can just cut and paste. The internet connection is so corrupted with viruses and I am cannot get online. I hate this. So much hatred in me. I should learn how to appreciate. Trying. Oh no. My hands are getting numb.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Chapter 12
The story that Carla was hospitalised was all over the news. Carla could not help but feel a little discomfort at what she’s becoming in the public eyes. It was as if she was someone who was important to everyone when in real truth she was just a normal person with a big craving for Mr. Softee right then. If only the nurse was not really looking into her diet so carefully. Carla was awaken by her friends. Her real friends; friends who would never leave her no matter who she was. They smiled at her and talked about school and their normal life. Vanessa; Kathy’s closest friend compared to the others, was going to audition for some musical movie by Disney. Carla was so happy for her and was sure that she would get the role because she can sing so well and dance way better than Carla could.
“I am so nervous, Carl.” Vanessa said when the others went home; Vanessa was always the last one to leave so she can clear her doubts and have comfort words thrown at her by her closest friend.
“Why? You’re the best, V. There’s nothing to worry about. Just try your best and who knows, you might do what I did; get the co-star to be your boyfriend.” Carla said as she laugh. Then, suddenly, Daniel came in the room with a frown on his face. He looked at Vanessa and nodded his head towards her to acknowledge her presence. Daniel sat down beside Carla and kept quiet.
“Ok, I have got to go. See you tomorrow, Carla.” Vanessa said as she felt uncomfortable in the tension that Daniel was creating. Carla looked at her and waved goodbye until she was out of sight. Once Vanessa was gone, Carla reached out for Daniel’s hand and held it. Suddenly, Daniel looked at Carla with a look of pain as if the words that he was going to say were going to cause him all the energy he had in his body. Carla was getting tense and confused.
“Daniel, what is the matter?” Carla asked as he squeezed Daniel’s hand.
“Carla, they found something in you.”
“What do you mean?” Carla asked as confusion was overflowing in her brain. She could not register anything and suddenly, Daniel’s eyes ware filled with tears.
“Carla, they found that you have...” Daniel could not finish his words and looked away. He was really angry with himself because he was making Carla panic and scared. It was shown through her pretty face. She squeezed Daniel hand but this time she held the tension because she wanted to know. Daniel looked at the pretty face again.
“Carla, you have cancer.”
When Carla heard the words that came out of daniel’s mouth, she felt like laughing. Not because she was crazy but she was sure that Daniel was just fooling around. However, Carla realized that Daniel was looking away and she understood from that moment on that no one would joke about this. Carla was laughing still. Daniel looked at Carla because he was worried about her laughing away. Didn’t she understand that it was not a joke? Daniel grab Carla’s shoulder not unkindly and shook her to reality. Carla stopped laughing. She stared into the face she loved so much and tears were welling up so fast that it dropped in an instant. Daniel hugged Carla.
“Daniel, I am going to die.”
**********************************************************************
Haikal was sitting at his office looking at the documents in front of him. He was feeling tired after all the patient he had seen for that day. He believed in miracle and he knows that if medicine and science, there’s always god to turn to; he tells that to all of his patients. He was an oncologist. He loved his job because this job creates relationship for him easily and have more than just one family. Although sometimes it killed him to see his some of his patients pass away, he always tell himself that this was part of life and it will always have an ending. Haikal was looking at his watch, it was way past his working hours but he still felt the need to go through the files in front of him because he was a doctor who could be there for someone who is in real need. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
“Come in.” Haikal said. He was a little confuse as he was not expecting anyone to be visiting him especially after his working hours. When the person came in, he was shocked to see Daniel.
“Daniel, please take a seat,” he said as Daniel sat down, “what can I do for you?”
Daniel did not answer him and instead kept silent. Haikal was feeling a little uncomfortable since he was the cause of a couple fighting. He did not know what has gotten into him. Carla looked very young and she may even be less than eighteen but she was so attractive to him and he could not let the opportunity of getting to know her pass. He went with his gut feeling although this time, his gut feeling landed him into trouble.
“I just want to know if there is a chance of her recovering?” Daniel asked. Haikal felt himself in a daze. He had not the slightest clue what Daniel was talking about. He knew that Carla had acute hyperventilation but she should be alright by then. Haikal looked at Daniel with confusion written all over his face.
“Daniel, your girlfriend should be alright. Stop wor....” Haikal stopped mid sentence as he flipped through the new case and realized that Carla was never going to be alright. He could not believe what he seeing. Carla had cancer and it was at the last stage even with chemotherapy, it would not make any difference. Haikal was getting restless and Daniel notice his reaction.
“What is the matter? Haikal, what is wrong with Carla?” Daniel asked as he was getting worried with the look on Haikal’s face.
“Daniel, Carla is on the last stage of cancer. She has 3 more months. That’s with chemo. I am really sorry.”
Daniel felt his heart dropped to the ground. It must have dropped because he could not hear it beating. He was dead. He was sure of it. Daniel felt tears welling up his eyes and he could no longer held them back. Carla had cancer. Carla had three months. Carla is leaving. Daniel broke down. He could not care less about Haikal’s presence there. Daniel could not understand what was happening and he was blabbering nonsense.
“Couldn’t you do anything, Haikal? Carla can’t die. She can’t. She’s only seventeen. There must have been a mistake. Please check. Please Haikal. Please tell me you’re lying.”
“Daniel, there’s really nothing you can do. Nothing I can do. It’s up to god now.”
Daniel wanted to open the door and walk away because he felt that haikal was talking nonsense. God? If there was a god, Carla would not have cancer. Or three months to live. When Daniel turned around, he could not believe that he was looking at the pretty face he love so much. The pretty face was wet with tears and shock. Carla just found out she had no more time.
sorry it took so long for me to update it. I was looking for inspriration people. I am very sad today. Saw and old lady selling tissue and no one was buying. My heart dropped to my stomach. I was feeling sick and sad for her. Stop by to buy her tissue and she smiled. She looked like my grandmother and I felt so bad. Why was she on the streets? She should be resting and enjoying life. Watching Hikmah just like my grandma. But there she was selling tissue. I took out $2 and paid her and didn't ask for change. I wanted to give more. But I do not have enough. I walked away with Raz and Azizah. I could not help myself and tell the gals how I felt about this. Then tears brim my eyes and I cried. I could not control the tears. She was so alone. And her smile. Omg, her smile. I cannot forget it. It was a sincere thank you when I gave her that $2. I am crying now. Omg, what is happening? Where's her children? I wish I could do more. I feel so sad now. PLEASE IF YOU SEE HER IN THE NEAR FUTURE SELLING TISSUE. PLEASE BUY IT FROM HER. Please. I am begging.
The story that Carla was hospitalised was all over the news. Carla could not help but feel a little discomfort at what she’s becoming in the public eyes. It was as if she was someone who was important to everyone when in real truth she was just a normal person with a big craving for Mr. Softee right then. If only the nurse was not really looking into her diet so carefully. Carla was awaken by her friends. Her real friends; friends who would never leave her no matter who she was. They smiled at her and talked about school and their normal life. Vanessa; Kathy’s closest friend compared to the others, was going to audition for some musical movie by Disney. Carla was so happy for her and was sure that she would get the role because she can sing so well and dance way better than Carla could.
“I am so nervous, Carl.” Vanessa said when the others went home; Vanessa was always the last one to leave so she can clear her doubts and have comfort words thrown at her by her closest friend.
“Why? You’re the best, V. There’s nothing to worry about. Just try your best and who knows, you might do what I did; get the co-star to be your boyfriend.” Carla said as she laugh. Then, suddenly, Daniel came in the room with a frown on his face. He looked at Vanessa and nodded his head towards her to acknowledge her presence. Daniel sat down beside Carla and kept quiet.
“Ok, I have got to go. See you tomorrow, Carla.” Vanessa said as she felt uncomfortable in the tension that Daniel was creating. Carla looked at her and waved goodbye until she was out of sight. Once Vanessa was gone, Carla reached out for Daniel’s hand and held it. Suddenly, Daniel looked at Carla with a look of pain as if the words that he was going to say were going to cause him all the energy he had in his body. Carla was getting tense and confused.
“Daniel, what is the matter?” Carla asked as he squeezed Daniel’s hand.
“Carla, they found something in you.”
“What do you mean?” Carla asked as confusion was overflowing in her brain. She could not register anything and suddenly, Daniel’s eyes ware filled with tears.
“Carla, they found that you have...” Daniel could not finish his words and looked away. He was really angry with himself because he was making Carla panic and scared. It was shown through her pretty face. She squeezed Daniel hand but this time she held the tension because she wanted to know. Daniel looked at the pretty face again.
“Carla, you have cancer.”
When Carla heard the words that came out of daniel’s mouth, she felt like laughing. Not because she was crazy but she was sure that Daniel was just fooling around. However, Carla realized that Daniel was looking away and she understood from that moment on that no one would joke about this. Carla was laughing still. Daniel looked at Carla because he was worried about her laughing away. Didn’t she understand that it was not a joke? Daniel grab Carla’s shoulder not unkindly and shook her to reality. Carla stopped laughing. She stared into the face she loved so much and tears were welling up so fast that it dropped in an instant. Daniel hugged Carla.
“Daniel, I am going to die.”
**********************************************************************
Haikal was sitting at his office looking at the documents in front of him. He was feeling tired after all the patient he had seen for that day. He believed in miracle and he knows that if medicine and science, there’s always god to turn to; he tells that to all of his patients. He was an oncologist. He loved his job because this job creates relationship for him easily and have more than just one family. Although sometimes it killed him to see his some of his patients pass away, he always tell himself that this was part of life and it will always have an ending. Haikal was looking at his watch, it was way past his working hours but he still felt the need to go through the files in front of him because he was a doctor who could be there for someone who is in real need. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.
“Come in.” Haikal said. He was a little confuse as he was not expecting anyone to be visiting him especially after his working hours. When the person came in, he was shocked to see Daniel.
“Daniel, please take a seat,” he said as Daniel sat down, “what can I do for you?”
Daniel did not answer him and instead kept silent. Haikal was feeling a little uncomfortable since he was the cause of a couple fighting. He did not know what has gotten into him. Carla looked very young and she may even be less than eighteen but she was so attractive to him and he could not let the opportunity of getting to know her pass. He went with his gut feeling although this time, his gut feeling landed him into trouble.
“I just want to know if there is a chance of her recovering?” Daniel asked. Haikal felt himself in a daze. He had not the slightest clue what Daniel was talking about. He knew that Carla had acute hyperventilation but she should be alright by then. Haikal looked at Daniel with confusion written all over his face.
“Daniel, your girlfriend should be alright. Stop wor....” Haikal stopped mid sentence as he flipped through the new case and realized that Carla was never going to be alright. He could not believe what he seeing. Carla had cancer and it was at the last stage even with chemotherapy, it would not make any difference. Haikal was getting restless and Daniel notice his reaction.
“What is the matter? Haikal, what is wrong with Carla?” Daniel asked as he was getting worried with the look on Haikal’s face.
“Daniel, Carla is on the last stage of cancer. She has 3 more months. That’s with chemo. I am really sorry.”
Daniel felt his heart dropped to the ground. It must have dropped because he could not hear it beating. He was dead. He was sure of it. Daniel felt tears welling up his eyes and he could no longer held them back. Carla had cancer. Carla had three months. Carla is leaving. Daniel broke down. He could not care less about Haikal’s presence there. Daniel could not understand what was happening and he was blabbering nonsense.
“Couldn’t you do anything, Haikal? Carla can’t die. She can’t. She’s only seventeen. There must have been a mistake. Please check. Please Haikal. Please tell me you’re lying.”
“Daniel, there’s really nothing you can do. Nothing I can do. It’s up to god now.”
Daniel wanted to open the door and walk away because he felt that haikal was talking nonsense. God? If there was a god, Carla would not have cancer. Or three months to live. When Daniel turned around, he could not believe that he was looking at the pretty face he love so much. The pretty face was wet with tears and shock. Carla just found out she had no more time.
sorry it took so long for me to update it. I was looking for inspriration people. I am very sad today. Saw and old lady selling tissue and no one was buying. My heart dropped to my stomach. I was feeling sick and sad for her. Stop by to buy her tissue and she smiled. She looked like my grandmother and I felt so bad. Why was she on the streets? She should be resting and enjoying life. Watching Hikmah just like my grandma. But there she was selling tissue. I took out $2 and paid her and didn't ask for change. I wanted to give more. But I do not have enough. I walked away with Raz and Azizah. I could not help myself and tell the gals how I felt about this. Then tears brim my eyes and I cried. I could not control the tears. She was so alone. And her smile. Omg, her smile. I cannot forget it. It was a sincere thank you when I gave her that $2. I am crying now. Omg, what is happening? Where's her children? I wish I could do more. I feel so sad now. PLEASE IF YOU SEE HER IN THE NEAR FUTURE SELLING TISSUE. PLEASE BUY IT FROM HER. Please. I am begging.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Have you felt like someone made a mistake and you understand but you just can't forgive? You don't know how to say it. You want some time. Because you don't understand how you come to terms with it and why when you felt so hurt by it. I don't want to stay mad at you. But I am hurt by it. I understand. But I don't get why I am reacting so coldly. Maybe I am still mad. Sorry, I am just worried. I have to go to the doc to ask for that stupid letter. Hope I get it. It's a ticket to get out of being debarred. I am just confuse.
Thursday, May 01, 2008
So...it's been awhile since I last updated this blog. So for those who said my blog is gone because I have been Vlogging...well no. It's still here and it will, forever, be deeper than my vlogs because I tend to tell REAL stuff in here. I just let it all out. So how have I been? Not soo good. I realize I am getting sicker and might just die soon. So anyone wanna wish me anything, now would be the time. To all my friends out there... I have already uploaded the YOUTUBE videos we made... So if you guys wanna here's the link...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i15sXfK1t3M
So...I haven't been in school again and I hope I don't get debarred because I do have MC this time and if I do get DEBARRED, I am soooo bringing this to the MINISTRY. I hate it. Anyways, I am feeling bad emotionally and that's not something new. Just got back my Lit test paper back and I am doing bad. Haiz. I really need help and I am not getting any. Really am going bonkers.
I wish everyday was the day when we make good choices and it turn out well. I really might just die.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i15sXfK1t3M
So...I haven't been in school again and I hope I don't get debarred because I do have MC this time and if I do get DEBARRED, I am soooo bringing this to the MINISTRY. I hate it. Anyways, I am feeling bad emotionally and that's not something new. Just got back my Lit test paper back and I am doing bad. Haiz. I really need help and I am not getting any. Really am going bonkers.
I wish everyday was the day when we make good choices and it turn out well. I really might just die.
Saturday, April 05, 2008
Hey there everyone! Are you guys surprise? Yeah, that's right. I am back with typing my daily doses of craziness in this blog. Well, life has been a real roller coster right. I hate it that I feel happy with it sometimes because then I cannot say that life sucks when it turns bad sometimes. I have a new video vlog where I tell you about the daily doses of craziness in LIVE version. This is to mean that I actually do talk to you through a camera and you can see me. Hahahah, am I insulting your intellengence? I am sorry, I didn't mean to. ( I am actually doing a video now. But if you have any ideas to my show, Don't hesistate and tell me.)
So anyways, I bought a web camera to actually do a vlog and never to webcam anyone. Well, I was so mistaken because in the end I did use it to webcam someone. The first thing is I was so curious as how a webcam would benefit anyone and the second part is that I was wondering if the person was as real as his picture said. You know the saying; pictures says a thousands words, a video says a infinity words. Oh, you haven't heard of the second one? Well, that's probably my made up crap but you do get what I mean, right? So I asked this dude, whom I think I gotta know from myspace, if he waqnted to webcam and he answered with a yes. So we webcam. I kinda regret it later. No because he was a freak or a perv or anything bad. Nope, it was exactly the opposite. He was really good looking that I almost fell off my chair. So, as the girl that I am, I just could not hide the fact that I was nervous and was tongue tied. He said hi and I realised that he had an accent, so I asked him where he was from. He was from IRELAND, girls. I was like whoa! That's awesome! Then guess what happened next? Total silence. I am serious. I could not believe it either because I am such a talkative person and silence was never ever a guest when I talk to people. So he asked me was I nervous and being the honest person that I am *coughcough* I told him yeah. He said I don't have to be. So then I tried to relax; only it didn't happen, and we talk a little bit. He was 20 years old (my age!!!) and he was in college. Just like MOI! It was interesting but I would definitely recommend face to face. Basically because it would be better to see although it is not as safe as webcaming because if you feel like the person you're looking at is a loser you can just walk away by clicking the close button and not create stories that your grandmother died or as your friend to call you to pretend your mom asking you to come back home!!! Unbelievable as it was, we chatted for about 2 hours. He was very interesting. He played the guitar for me and I sang!!! Hahahah! It was like a concert but with camera and no audience. Then he had to go for class, and at one point I thought what class was held at 10 pm? I kinda let this thought out of my mouth (idiot!) and he laughed saying that it was only 4pm there. I think I blushed or something because I felt myself burning up and thank god the resolution of the camera was bad so he didn't notice it. We said our goodbyes and then I thought that was it. BUT he asked me if we could webcam again.....hahahahhahahahahaha...I will leave you guys with you imagination on what I replied.
So, I have been listening to paramore and I might do a cover and post it on youtube. Please do not comment that I don't sound anything like Hayley because I know I can't. Just leave your thoughts that doesn't involve comparing. So that's about it.
If you guys are wondering, I might not do this typing thing too often and I might go back to recording my thoughts because it is so much easier and I can do it offline. Ok got to go, finish my video and don't forget to view it people. Here's the link:
www.youtube.com/user/shilllurvsharry
So anyways, I bought a web camera to actually do a vlog and never to webcam anyone. Well, I was so mistaken because in the end I did use it to webcam someone. The first thing is I was so curious as how a webcam would benefit anyone and the second part is that I was wondering if the person was as real as his picture said. You know the saying; pictures says a thousands words, a video says a infinity words. Oh, you haven't heard of the second one? Well, that's probably my made up crap but you do get what I mean, right? So I asked this dude, whom I think I gotta know from myspace, if he waqnted to webcam and he answered with a yes. So we webcam. I kinda regret it later. No because he was a freak or a perv or anything bad. Nope, it was exactly the opposite. He was really good looking that I almost fell off my chair. So, as the girl that I am, I just could not hide the fact that I was nervous and was tongue tied. He said hi and I realised that he had an accent, so I asked him where he was from. He was from IRELAND, girls. I was like whoa! That's awesome! Then guess what happened next? Total silence. I am serious. I could not believe it either because I am such a talkative person and silence was never ever a guest when I talk to people. So he asked me was I nervous and being the honest person that I am *coughcough* I told him yeah. He said I don't have to be. So then I tried to relax; only it didn't happen, and we talk a little bit. He was 20 years old (my age!!!) and he was in college. Just like MOI! It was interesting but I would definitely recommend face to face. Basically because it would be better to see although it is not as safe as webcaming because if you feel like the person you're looking at is a loser you can just walk away by clicking the close button and not create stories that your grandmother died or as your friend to call you to pretend your mom asking you to come back home!!! Unbelievable as it was, we chatted for about 2 hours. He was very interesting. He played the guitar for me and I sang!!! Hahahah! It was like a concert but with camera and no audience. Then he had to go for class, and at one point I thought what class was held at 10 pm? I kinda let this thought out of my mouth (idiot!) and he laughed saying that it was only 4pm there. I think I blushed or something because I felt myself burning up and thank god the resolution of the camera was bad so he didn't notice it. We said our goodbyes and then I thought that was it. BUT he asked me if we could webcam again.....hahahahhahahahahaha...I will leave you guys with you imagination on what I replied.
So, I have been listening to paramore and I might do a cover and post it on youtube. Please do not comment that I don't sound anything like Hayley because I know I can't. Just leave your thoughts that doesn't involve comparing. So that's about it.
If you guys are wondering, I might not do this typing thing too often and I might go back to recording my thoughts because it is so much easier and I can do it offline. Ok got to go, finish my video and don't forget to view it people. Here's the link:
www.youtube.com/user/shilllurvsharry
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Monday, January 14, 2008
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Hey peepS!!! I am just in here to show the sneak peek of harry potter and the half blood prince! i love it......i can't wait for it to come out to the theater...I am so booking the gold class for this....and the next movie!!!! i love it!!!! oh god....i wish i live to watch it...it's gonna show on the 21st of november 2008....I CAN'T WAIT!
Monday, December 03, 2007
I HATE THIS! WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME AND WHY IS IT ONLY ME? I MEAN FATE, YOU HAVE BEEN AGAINTS ME SINCE THE DAY I COULD HAVE FRIENDS. FIRST YOU GIVE ME FRIENDS THAT CAN NEVER BE CALL ONE. AND NOW AFTER ALL THE HARD WORK I PUT IN JUST TO STAY IN THE SAME CLASS WITH M BESTEST BESTEST FRIEND EVER, YOU TAKE IT AWAY AGAIN. WHY? I KNOW YOU CAN NEVER ANSWER ME CAUSE I GUESS YOU THINK I AM NOT WORTH IT. BUT PLEASE PLEASE JUST PUT THE THINGS BACK THE WAY THEY ARE. THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON, SOME WOULD SAY....BUT WHAT'S THIS REASON? WHY AM I PAYING FOR OTHER PEOPLE'S MISTAKE? THOSE PEOPLE WHO DIDN'T MAKE IT...SHOULDN'T THEY BE THE ONE? NOT ME? AD WHY IS IT ONLY ME WHO IS SOOOOOOOO ANGRY ABOUT THIS? I CANNOT STAND THIS. I WILL NEVER EVER EVER GET OVER THIS. EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Friday, November 30, 2007
OK you guys....u noe lately I have been crazy for Joe Jonas....Now I take that back!!!!!!! I ma back to the harry potter world...but not daniel....no no no.....I do not in any way thinks he's hot!!!! Not ever. Kinda disgusting if U take a look at his LEG HAIR! it's total disgusting. I am sooooooo INTO RUPERT GRINT!!!! he's sooooo hot! so handsome!!!! wanna marry him!!!!! RUPERT GRINT IS MY HUSBAND NOW!
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Hey peeps!!!! Look at that! It's the Jonas Brothers!!! I love them....hehehhe ok no....more like I am in love with JOE JONAS...he is the one that is acting as a ghost!!! He is soooooo hot! I love him...He's the perfect man...HE'S HANDSOME, TALENTED AND FUNNY! I wanna be with him...and guess what he's a Christian devotee...this means he's understand that sex is a sacred thing...soooooo perfect! I LOVE HIM!
Friday, November 23, 2007
Chapter 11
Carla left Haikal standing stunned as she chase after Daniel who was walking in a fast speed. Her heels were slipping out but still Carla continued running. She cursed herself for letting someone else touch her. What was wrong with her? How could she be so easy? Carla could feel tears streaming down her cheeks and her mascara was ruin but she did not care. She had to explain herself to Daniel. But what was there to explain? Everything was as clear as water. Carla kissed Haikal; a person she just met. Finally, Daniel was getting close. Carla ran as if her life depended on it and grabbed Daniel’s arm. Daniel jerked it away; he did not even want to look at Carla when she finally chased him. Daniel’s cheek was wet too.
“It’s over.” Daniel said. Carla could not believe her ears. Her heart seemed to have stopped pumping because she seemed to be running out of oxygen. Suddenly, her hand felt numb and they were curling into a fist unwillingly. Her legs started to shake and Carla fell on her knees. She could not breath. Her body was jerking. Daniel was shocked and shook Carla who was jerking out of control. Daniel bend down on his knees as Carla jerked more. She seemed to be having a seizure. Daniel shouted for help but no one was there. Suddenly a guy came running in. It was the guy that kissed Carla just now. Daniel could feel his whole body tensed up but he must control is anger for Carla sake. The guy came running and went down on his knees.
“What happened?” the guy asked.
“I don’t know. Carla can you hear me? Carla, what’s wrong?” Daniel was in panic mode. Carla seemed to become purple. She could not breath and her body was still jerking. The guy ran towards the club. Daniel did not know what to do. He felt himself being so helpless and useless. Suddenly, the guy came back with a paper bag in his hands. He opened it and put it over Carla’s mouth.
“Carla can you hear me? I need you to breath in the bag ok? Now come on, slowly,” Daniel looked from the guy to Carla, she seemed to be struggling just to breath but as she tried, her body had stop jerking but her hands was still in a tight fist, “Daniel, I need you to help un-fist her.”
Daniel pry opened Carla’s hand slowly. She seemed to be regaining some control of her body. When, finally, both hands are opened, Daniel looked at Carla. She has gotten her breathing into pace although she still looked a little flushed. Out of the blue, Carla body went limb and she fainted. Daniel panic mode came in like an overdrive. She shook Carla so hard as if she was sleeping. Daniel felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Stop. She just fainted. We need to send her to the hospital, do you drive?” Haikal asked.
“What is wrong with her? How come she fainted?” Daniel said as he calm down.
“She just hyper ventilate although I must say that I have never seen such a serious case. She must be really scared or anxious. Her body reacted that way because she was having too much carbon dioxide in her body. Come on, let’s go. We have to bring her to the hospital quick. We’ll freeze to death if we don’t get out of here soon. Can you carry her?” The guy said as he stood up. Daniel carried Carla and stood up.
“Who are you?”
“My name is Haikal. I am a doctor working in the hospital nearby. Quick, we need to get her there.” Haikal said as he quickened his pace to get to his car. Daniel was having a hard time trying to move faster with Carla in his arms. However, Daniel quickened his pace to get Carla to the hospital. Finally Daniel reached his car. He tried to find a way of getting his keys but with Carla in his arms he was finding it impossible.
“Do you want a ride?” Haikal shouted from the other part of the car park. Daniel wanted to say no; this was the man that Carla kissed. But he still carried Carla and move towards Haikal’s car. Haikal opened his back passenger door and Daniel put Carla on the seat. Daniel went in beside her and shut the door. Haikal stick the key in the ignition and started the engine. Daniel looked at Carla and felt a twinge of guilt in his heart; if he had only been rationale and not give in to his anger. He was pretty sure Carla was about to explain herself and why she had give into temptation. Daniel felt like slapping himself, if only he had not been a jerk, none of the things that happened that night would happened.
Finally, after a ten minutes drive and silence, they reached the hospital. Haikal seem to already inform the hospital cause the nurses was out with the stretchers. They opened the door and pick Carla up to put her on the stretcher bed. Daniel went out after that but by that time, the nurses were already pushing Carla into the hospital. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Daniel looked over and saw Haikal smiling.
“She’s going to be alright. Don’t worry.” Haikal said.
“Thanks.”
“No problem. It is the least I could do to make it up for all the trouble I caused. By the way, whatever you saw between Carla and me, it was I who initiated the kiss. Not her.” With that Haikal walked into the hospital leaving a stunned Daniel behind.
Carla could feel her head pounding against her skull. She tried to message it but her hand felt heavy as if it was tied down. Suddenly she felt a smooth hand on her cheek. Carla slowly opened her eyes to find Daniel smiling down at her. She felt her spirit being lifted.
“Hey, babe.” Daniel said as he sat down beside her on the bed.
“Hey, what happened?” Carla asked as she tried to move her hands. They seemed to be not hers because she was still unable to move them. Daniel touched her hands and, like miracle, Carla could feel his tender touch on her skin. She stopped worrying about her hands and looked up at Daniel. Memories came rushing through Carla’s head like a train. She remembered clearly what happened. Tears welled up her eyes as she search the words for forgiveness but now she seem to be unable to find her voice.
“Babe, don’t cry. It’s ok, I know what happened that night. I don’t blame you. The fault lies in me and you. We put it in the past and move on. I love you, Carla. So much. I don’t want to lose you again.” Daniel said as he caressed Carla’s face with a finger. He leaned in closer and, finally, his lips touches hers. Carla felt as if Daniel energy was given to her through the kiss. Her body felt alive and she kissed him back with all her heart. She felt as if the truly understood each other and she understands that even love has it’s flaws but sometimes one just have to live with the flaws to experience it’s wonders. Just like she was experiencing it now.
Carla left Haikal standing stunned as she chase after Daniel who was walking in a fast speed. Her heels were slipping out but still Carla continued running. She cursed herself for letting someone else touch her. What was wrong with her? How could she be so easy? Carla could feel tears streaming down her cheeks and her mascara was ruin but she did not care. She had to explain herself to Daniel. But what was there to explain? Everything was as clear as water. Carla kissed Haikal; a person she just met. Finally, Daniel was getting close. Carla ran as if her life depended on it and grabbed Daniel’s arm. Daniel jerked it away; he did not even want to look at Carla when she finally chased him. Daniel’s cheek was wet too.
“It’s over.” Daniel said. Carla could not believe her ears. Her heart seemed to have stopped pumping because she seemed to be running out of oxygen. Suddenly, her hand felt numb and they were curling into a fist unwillingly. Her legs started to shake and Carla fell on her knees. She could not breath. Her body was jerking. Daniel was shocked and shook Carla who was jerking out of control. Daniel bend down on his knees as Carla jerked more. She seemed to be having a seizure. Daniel shouted for help but no one was there. Suddenly a guy came running in. It was the guy that kissed Carla just now. Daniel could feel his whole body tensed up but he must control is anger for Carla sake. The guy came running and went down on his knees.
“What happened?” the guy asked.
“I don’t know. Carla can you hear me? Carla, what’s wrong?” Daniel was in panic mode. Carla seemed to become purple. She could not breath and her body was still jerking. The guy ran towards the club. Daniel did not know what to do. He felt himself being so helpless and useless. Suddenly, the guy came back with a paper bag in his hands. He opened it and put it over Carla’s mouth.
“Carla can you hear me? I need you to breath in the bag ok? Now come on, slowly,” Daniel looked from the guy to Carla, she seemed to be struggling just to breath but as she tried, her body had stop jerking but her hands was still in a tight fist, “Daniel, I need you to help un-fist her.”
Daniel pry opened Carla’s hand slowly. She seemed to be regaining some control of her body. When, finally, both hands are opened, Daniel looked at Carla. She has gotten her breathing into pace although she still looked a little flushed. Out of the blue, Carla body went limb and she fainted. Daniel panic mode came in like an overdrive. She shook Carla so hard as if she was sleeping. Daniel felt a hand on his shoulder.
“Stop. She just fainted. We need to send her to the hospital, do you drive?” Haikal asked.
“What is wrong with her? How come she fainted?” Daniel said as he calm down.
“She just hyper ventilate although I must say that I have never seen such a serious case. She must be really scared or anxious. Her body reacted that way because she was having too much carbon dioxide in her body. Come on, let’s go. We have to bring her to the hospital quick. We’ll freeze to death if we don’t get out of here soon. Can you carry her?” The guy said as he stood up. Daniel carried Carla and stood up.
“Who are you?”
“My name is Haikal. I am a doctor working in the hospital nearby. Quick, we need to get her there.” Haikal said as he quickened his pace to get to his car. Daniel was having a hard time trying to move faster with Carla in his arms. However, Daniel quickened his pace to get Carla to the hospital. Finally Daniel reached his car. He tried to find a way of getting his keys but with Carla in his arms he was finding it impossible.
“Do you want a ride?” Haikal shouted from the other part of the car park. Daniel wanted to say no; this was the man that Carla kissed. But he still carried Carla and move towards Haikal’s car. Haikal opened his back passenger door and Daniel put Carla on the seat. Daniel went in beside her and shut the door. Haikal stick the key in the ignition and started the engine. Daniel looked at Carla and felt a twinge of guilt in his heart; if he had only been rationale and not give in to his anger. He was pretty sure Carla was about to explain herself and why she had give into temptation. Daniel felt like slapping himself, if only he had not been a jerk, none of the things that happened that night would happened.
Finally, after a ten minutes drive and silence, they reached the hospital. Haikal seem to already inform the hospital cause the nurses was out with the stretchers. They opened the door and pick Carla up to put her on the stretcher bed. Daniel went out after that but by that time, the nurses were already pushing Carla into the hospital. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Daniel looked over and saw Haikal smiling.
“She’s going to be alright. Don’t worry.” Haikal said.
“Thanks.”
“No problem. It is the least I could do to make it up for all the trouble I caused. By the way, whatever you saw between Carla and me, it was I who initiated the kiss. Not her.” With that Haikal walked into the hospital leaving a stunned Daniel behind.
Carla could feel her head pounding against her skull. She tried to message it but her hand felt heavy as if it was tied down. Suddenly she felt a smooth hand on her cheek. Carla slowly opened her eyes to find Daniel smiling down at her. She felt her spirit being lifted.
“Hey, babe.” Daniel said as he sat down beside her on the bed.
“Hey, what happened?” Carla asked as she tried to move her hands. They seemed to be not hers because she was still unable to move them. Daniel touched her hands and, like miracle, Carla could feel his tender touch on her skin. She stopped worrying about her hands and looked up at Daniel. Memories came rushing through Carla’s head like a train. She remembered clearly what happened. Tears welled up her eyes as she search the words for forgiveness but now she seem to be unable to find her voice.
“Babe, don’t cry. It’s ok, I know what happened that night. I don’t blame you. The fault lies in me and you. We put it in the past and move on. I love you, Carla. So much. I don’t want to lose you again.” Daniel said as he caressed Carla’s face with a finger. He leaned in closer and, finally, his lips touches hers. Carla felt as if Daniel energy was given to her through the kiss. Her body felt alive and she kissed him back with all her heart. She felt as if the truly understood each other and she understands that even love has it’s flaws but sometimes one just have to live with the flaws to experience it’s wonders. Just like she was experiencing it now.
Monday, November 12, 2007
wow....i am an angel!
Just like the haloed and winged guardians of good, you truly have a heart of gold, sweet Angel. Whenever there's a chance to pitch in, save the day or just make life easier for the people around you, you're the one for the job.
You don't just jump in without planning — you use your angelic head to figure out how to do things right the first time, like only the most dependable goddesses can. Whether brainstorming a new solution to a problem, planning a surprise party for your parents, or lending your friends a wing to cry on, you've got the right instincts, so follow them whenever you can. As natural as it is for you to take care of the people around you, don't forget to treat yourself right, too. The best friendships, and loves, of a lifetime tend to blossom when you become your own guardian angel.
So don't listen to those who say nice girls finish last. People have always seen you as a goddess of thoughtfulness and good intentions, and it hasn't slowed you down a bit. All in all, Angel, you've got it made with your glowing attitude and ability to see from on high. So get out there and change the world!
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