The thing I hate....

You know when you're close to someone, you just want to hurt them less? This is because you don't want to be the one who feels as if the world is crashing down; you know that is how you feel after that one argument you had with that special someone.

The thing is you plan everything with this someone and you share joy and pain together. You're happy for as long as the planning stays in place and life is good. Then, one day, this person wants to change the plan or exterminate the plan altogether. She is saying the words but all you can hear is the tearing of your heart. She beg for your understanding and because you don't want to hurt her, I mean let's face it you know deep down the plan is not going to work, you just nod your head. Sure. But, you know that it's not sincere. Even she could tell it.

Then your world spiral to a crash.

This is the thing I hate.

The NEW MOON poster is up!

OK!!! The new moon posters are up in the DHOBY GHAUT transition pillars!!! I went crazy taking picture and ended up arriving late to work...

But, it was sooo worth it!!!

Check out the photos!

Haha.... was being a bit cheeky....Just wanted to be with Edward ALONE. Sorry, Bella.

Shirin is part of the WOLF PACK! Don't piss her off now, Shilla.

Not a big JACOB fan....didn't need to be so pretty.

Love this poster the MOST! Just take a look at EDWARD'S hand on BELLA'S back! INTENSE!

There you go...NOW DROOL!

For the record....I was not the one who spotted it....Shirin was. God, felt so guilty and useless when I realise this. But anyway, taking the photos were alot of fun! People were laughing at me but I really couldn't careless. I mean it's NEW MOON!!!

And I hope eclipse get out soon!!! I am going crazy...

Not that I wasn't already before!

YOU inspire me, CHRISTINE.

OK....

Hey y'all!

So, The title says it all.

I just came back from Christine blog...which I have to mention is full with information about Korea! And bands from Korea!

It's like an encyclopedia of Korean Bands.

I mean if you didn't know about Korean Bands, once you read Christine blog. You'll be a frigging expert!

I saw one of the video she posted...I think it's called YG...or something like that....

and dang..........

HE IS SOOOO HOT! AND REALLY COOL!

ALL IN ONE!!!

I wished he was on sale....

LOL!

but, yeah, now...I just go to Christine blog and look at him....hahah...and I LOVE LOVE LOVE....lurve...... his....dance.

It's soooo sexy.

Had an orgasm again.

Gosh, I feel like Jesse McCartney.

Oh, btw, he looks like Chucky! Like the Chucky doll! The one that kills people....

No wonder his sex appeal is so NOT Appealing to me....

Just check him out here...

Make sure YOU pause at 0:23.....

He really looks like Chucky the murderous doll!

Back to a very great topic...

Christine wrote something deep in her blog that I kinda have to read about a Gazzilion times to understand.

Yeah, I am a BIMBO...what to do.. Gosh, do I have A.D.D? I keep getting off topic!!!!

So...anyways, she said about how people hang around with people they don't like...and how...well, how everybody is doing the exact same thing...at exactly the same time and how....we're thinking the same thing about this.

I mean...we're always thinking...

Does she like me?

Or

Why is she so fucking irritating and why am I with her????

Just think about it....While you're thinking this, someone in the same group is thinking the exact same thing about you.

Depressing, right?

Or was it just confusing for you guys?

I am not good at explaining....but...you should read Christine blog....She explains way better.

I was just inspired to write that we always hope that people would think we're good people. or we're nice people. Ok, maybe there are some exception...some people just really don't care at all. But for people to like me...it kind of means something to me. I don't want to think that people are actually bitching about me...but that, obviously, can't be help...I mean I bitch about people...around me... (run and slit own throat)....

It's just amaze me...that somebody else feel the same way too...

Christine tells it like it is...and her blogs make you face you....the pretty you and the ugly you...and make you embrace them both...

Her blogs and her words really inspire me...

So much that I had to write a blog...which probably won't make sense....LOL.

So I suggest you guys go read her blog..

She should have a name for her blog.....something called...

Face you....Face the real you.

OK peace out.

LOTS OF LOVE,

Shilla....

oh!!!

PS...

New moon tv spots are out...go check it out...I find the protecting her version was kinda lame...what is with the guy who narratored it?

Here is where I am.

So...

Here I am. Not doing anything. I have not been thinking about what I should do.

I think what I am doing right now is call "taking a break".

Or lets just say I am not doing anything at all.

And, let me tell you, It feel soooooo good.

Not having to worry and not having that much of a responsibility.

It feels so damn good.

Almost like an orgasm.

Except for the fact I do not know how an orgasm feels like because I am freakishly repressed by my morals and religious belief to even touch myself.

Anyways, back to the topic, Yes...it really feels really good.

I know this wouldn't last but I am going to enjoy it while I can.

I have canceled my trip to Bali but that just mean I am going to be loaded soon and I would so happy again.

I decided not to go Bali because, well, I am scared New Moon would not be premiering in Bali and I might go there with my main reason of being there thrown to the rubbish bin and instead of me being so happy, I'll just be so miserable.

But, I think the plan might still be on.

I don't know.

I just know that...well, I am not so worried.

Whatever happens, Happens, right?

Also, I have gotten into reading a new series called Evernight.

It's by Claudia Gray and I think I love it.

And it's a freaking series.

And....it's about Vampires. ( I know some of you are smirking right now.)

I love it....I seriously do because this time, it's not about being in love (ok, maybe a little romance between the main character, Bianca and Lucas) it's about staying together no matter how different you are between each other. It's a gr8 book.

I am done with the first part of the series (and I didn't spent a single cent, it was a library book)

and I am dying to go on this adventure again only now...well, I have to own the book!!!!

I hate it when I am obsessed.

Anyway I would like to leave a Quote from Elbert Einstien. ( I hope I spelt his name right!)

"God did not create Evil. Evil happened when Men has lost the faith in God's Love."

Amazing, right? And he's a scientist!!! A freaking great one at that!

LIFE....a mess as yesterday.

So...the good news is...I am not so emotional today. So I can see thing straight.

There is the bad news though.

I am definitely still so screwed and I have been doing alot of thinking.

I tried to go back to the stage where I screw everything over. And I think I know where exactly.

It's O levels.

I didn't really do well with it and I only got 3 credits...so it's not really worth it.

So maybe, I might want to take O levels again.

MIGHT.

I dunno if I will go ahead with it.

I have to think some more...

In the darkest moment in my life.

I have some very bad news.

I don't think this feeling of lonliness or the confusion is a phase.

This is the most horrible moment of my life.

Home is not home anymore.

My dad has become a supporter of my mom.

I want to be alone and die.

Sleep Deprivation.

When "THEY" say that sleep deprivation is bad for us, they're lying.

They tell us this so we won't ever see the truth.

The truth is, Sleep deprivation open up our eyes to see our life in the truest way possible.

I just got my dose of it today.

I am crossing my finger and praying to God Almighty that what I am seeing now...is not the future that was meant to be for me.

My future is bleak.

It's so unclear.

And this scares the hell out of me.

I am really very very scared and frightened.

I do not want to embrace this bleak future because it's not enough for me.

This blog has been about my ups and downs. Usually, my past post would have an element of funniness (is that even a word?) and I usually laugh my black moods away.

Today, it's so different.

I realize that I have been screwing up my life and been denying that I have been doing this.

The thing is, I drop out of NAFA and I thought it wouldn't affect me. But, just like before, when I fail....I can't help but feel like a loser.

I told my dad that I can't do it anymore and I SAW THE HESITATION IN HIS EYES....and I shut up. We never discussed this again.

I am an adult now. I am my own responsibility.

This revelation....scares me and make me feel alone. Like...HELLO BIG BAD WORLD, you know?

I have tried so hard to be the best and I never even made it to the good section let alone the best. There was always someone who was better than me and I was just trying too hard and not seeing the facts. I am reading between the lines of nothing and I am not actually deciphering anything. I am blind as a bat.

All my life, I have been scoffing at those who didn't know what they were suppose to do.

When I hear, "I am working. My highest education level is an N level Certificate."

I, then, would think...."you will never survive here with such a cert. I am never going to be like that. I will be in UNI. I will be something. I will get my parents a big bangalow and live happily."

And now?

I am one of "those" that I so often scoff at.

This is just great.

My friends ( the best in the world) would never agree to this....But I am a BAD PERSON. I don't deserve anything and....I am just going to make everyone disappointed in me. Again and again and again....it will never stop.

Sleep depirvation made me see how....screwed up I am. I have no real CERT and I have nothing to offer. I am just a normal average girl who is slipping in the grip of life.

Isabella asked me "What are you going to do?"

And I keep saying (crying on the phone) " I don't know. I don't know."

Usually, I hear that from someone else...now it's from my own mouth.

But.....

I have The best friends in the world.

I love you....so much...that I would not have survive anything....if you were not by my side.

Thanks for not giving advice because that the LAST thing that I wanted.

Thanks for understanding...

And thanks....for saying "don't Cry..."

I would try to immerse myself to thinking of what is going to happen.

I would sleep first...Just in case "THEY" were right.

Today was a panic day.

Today was the day I found out....

I am so screwed.....

Tired...... that's a big word.

Hey ppl!

It's been one long day and now I am just ready to rest my head and let dreams overcome my thoughts but before I hit the sack, I just want to talk about today,

Finally, I gone to school.

This was because, I had a sweet request from Farah to come so we can do the slides and so I did. And, well, The Nafa board had call saying that if I do not turn up, they have the POWER to expel me.

But, seriously, I wasn't bothered. I just don't think I want to learn anything more or the stress that is killing me and I hate the very core of that school. YUCKS.

Today has been a weird day. Having not come school for so long, I have forgotten alot of things...Like people's name and what happened if you do that. So...it was embarrassing. Haha...I told Aly that she was nice on MSN...and not so nice in real life or not as nice...hahaha....but all the same, she laughed.

After school which ended quite early and well, considering that we had presentation and Zaree was nervous..I had to go to work and I love it. Honestly, it's a form of escape and it's nice to work at MadJack! The people are friendly and I had so much fun.

So thats all!

I can't wait to go to bali! It's going to be a blast!

OMG!!!!!

OMG!

Ok enough of that. I am totally freaking out.

I almost got into an accident about 30 minutes ago!!! Really! Omg!

Alhumdulilah( Thank God), Nothing happened. I went into shock just now because I was laughing all the way home and freaking out to Razia. She must have thought I have lost my mind.

I think I went to a state of shock.

The car almost hit me and I almost died, y'all. I really almost died. Today might have been the day you guys got the bad news that Roshilla, your friend or Best friend, had died at about 11:40 pm. At the tender age of 21. Just after her birthday.

Can you imagine my date of birth and my date of death on my grave???

23-09-1988 to 24-09-2009

People would look at my grave twice and think, "Whoa, I hope she at least had a blast on her birthday."

And I didn't!!!!

I am still in shock and my dad is on a mission to find who that moronic driver was.

Well, on to a less bugging topic.

Um....OMG!

Something awesome was announced on my birthday yesterday!!!

The Host by Stephenie Meyer would be made into a MOVIE! YEAH! I will finally see the host being played in action and I hope they find a really good IAN!!!!

I have been fantasising about IAN for God knows how long.....He's the Gentleman of the world. He's perfect. Except for one flaw, he doesn't exist!

Well, that's all.

I love you guys. I am saying it now because I am scared I may never be able to say it again.

Well...Enjoy, Shilla.

Great, huh?

For Christine.

OK before anything is posted here....I just wanna say that I am a BLOGGER fan and I would never change to livejournal or whatever else is offered as a space to let out my feelings for the world to see.

I like Blogger a lot and though it's a tad bit slow and it's not really doing anything to go with the challenge that a lot of other blog space have...I think still it's not complicated and people won't be confuse on who is replying and who is actually writting the blog....(I am talking about Livejournal)

Anyway, this is not what I usually do. Posting videos of Korean band...it's usually Christine but I want to dedicate this to her.

I wonder if she have watched it...but here it is nonetheless,

If you're wondering who the boy band is, well they are call a HONOR SOCIETY. I have heard their song and I am not becoming a big fan but I have to say, the lead singer of this band has a killer voice and when he hits the high notes, it's super sexy.

Ok, I hope you like it, Christine. SEE U SOON!

CLICHE ENDINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS BORING.

CLIFFHANGERS.

Either you love it or hate it. Personally, I truly one-hundred percent hate it.

There's a lot of American tv shows that ended in a cliffhangers. For example would be Grey's Anatomy season 5, where the last scene was trying to revive Lizzie who died right after being able to remember all the mean things Alex said to her in his desperate moment to get her to be her again. Am I even making sense? Well, you have to watch the show to see. It's just amazing.... but really it's piss me off. I mean, I would want to know if Lizzie lived or died because in the whole series, I have never seen Alex so devoted to a woman. And he truly love her, which is amazing and beautiful at the same time. So I may not be the first to ask for this, but all the same, please let lizzie live and maybe kill George.

It's not that I don't like George, it's just I think he suffered enough. I mean being hit by a bus for someone he doesn't even know. What's with falling in love with Meredith only to have her get married to Dr. Shepard. And then falling in love with Lizzie, and lizzie not feeling the same way as him. The directors or producers should just delete this very sad character because it's too pathetic and it reminds too much of me and I don't like seeing myself being potrayed on TV for every one to see.

Wow, what a grey's anatomy revelation.

Another cliffhanger that I hate would be the series Bones.

The series ended with such a turn off for me. Ok, so Agent Booth was injured and he was operated. Then he dreamt about this whole thing where he was married to Bones and they were really happy (this is the sucky part because A LOT of fans are actually rooting for Bones and Booth to get together because they are freakingly awesome together and you could see throughout the whole series that Booth have genuinely feelings for Bones.) suddenly their club had a homicide. But all of these were a dream and Booth woke up from his coma and Bones was finally relived from waiting only to be hit by a punchline where Booth said, "who are you?"...then the credits happened.

I nearly threw the laptop away.

I know it's exciting and all but why can't the series end up like Charmed where there is almost a guarantee that there is a happy ending on the end of the season? Wish people would stop thinking that cliche ending would not rake ratings or views.

Anyway, Grey's anatomy is coming soon and I CANNOT WAIT FOR THE 'SEASON THAT WOULD CHANGE EVERYTHING'.

Well, thanks for reading...

Lots of Love,
Shilla

I am sick and tired.

Dear blog,
Today I watched the most horrible movie ever. I watched final destination 4. In 3D. The effects was awesome. I really love it. But the plot...omg...what were they thinking? There was no plot and just like every other final destination movie...everybody freaking die in the movie.
Oops, I didn't mean to be a spoiler. But I cannot help it. And, people, it's FINAL DESTINATION. There is always death.
They say there was a twist.
Wanna know what the twist is?
He saw 2 visions in this movie. One at the race track, the other in a mall.

On the scale of one to ten...I give it a "Don't-watch-this-show" scale. Ever.

I don't know why I was so excited to watch this. Maybe because it was in 3D and it's not animated. It's human life forms and they seem to be so real. So there, you know.

Ok, maybe you don't. But, I am just saying the effects was the bomb. It is the shit! And I am not just making this up. It's really the dig.

But that's it. So if you're not into effects, don't ever go to the mall and buy the ticket. The poster looks great but the movie is just not worth it. Don't waste your money.

Please, if you love GOD, don't ever.

And even if you don't, please don't.

Let the movie flop and die and....God, now I just remembered...It was cathay "Pick of the week". YUCK.

Anyways, I am here not to complain...but too late, I already have, haven't I? So, anyways, I am here to list down a whole list of movies that I want to watch...

The time traveller's wife

Gamer

Sherlock Holmes

Bandslam

I love you, Beth Cooper

Coraline

A christmas carol

I am on the fence for New Moon. I am a big fan of the book and I don't know if I should do it out of loyalty. I just don't ant to be disappointed again. It's just irritating. Plus, Stephenie Meyer is really pissing me off not writting anything.

So that's 7 movies. And most are showing during Sept. I think I am going 4 a movie marathon...on my b'day...Ha! That would be so cool!

That's all,

Shilla.

wow....121 post for the last 2 years.

Omg....121 post....that is so crazy and it totally cool at the same time.

Anyways, I am in a bus and I am on the way home...almost reaching I guess.. Give or take about 15 mins more.

Well, if you are wondering how I manage to blog in a bus...

The bad news is; no, the bus does not have wireless. So DO NOT bring your laptop and hop on a bus for 2 hours.

How I am doing this is pretty easy; I have a mobile broadband... So now, I can surf wherever and whenever I want to.

School sucks. I can say this openly here because no one knows about my blog and I am going to delete the link from my facebook and youtube.

This place should block out evil people.

Some people in this school seem to have a habit of not respecting other's loss in life. I am not going to say anymore as this may be use against me and I do not need any more drama in school. If you're my friend, just ask me and I WILL TELL YOU.

I just kind of found out that I have only 8 people who I believe are my friends.
Isn't that just great? 8 friends.
They are all so special to me and it's crazy how I manage to be friends with them...All of them are so cool, smart and totally fabulicious.

But, then again, I am their friend. So my judgement may be biased.

Wow, I am passing by geylang and the store for Hari Raya are now open.....the decoration are great even though I cannot see how the lighting is because it's still a hot humid day But I am pretty sure it's beautiful.

I wonder when I am going to go shopping for Hari Raya.
I hope we can this year. At least one traditional baju kurung.
Not like last year.

But, if that don't happen, I think I will be ok.


My b'day is coming soon. About 3 weeks to go!!! I cannot wait to meet my friends and have dinner and catch up all night long. Maybe even go clubbing with me! For the ones who are legal and that can enter a club.

Maybe I won't even club.....I don't know. I want to but I don't want to go alone.

Anyway, I am becoming a twitter addict. Been twittering non stop just now...
If you want to follow me here's my twitter
www.twitter.com/roshillacullen

you guys can check out the most random things I tweet.
This twittering makes me feel better.
It's like I have a friend that keep asking me what I am doing.

Ha, the things you say when you're such a loner.

Twitter becoming your "friend"

Anyway, I am running out of thing to say

So blog out!

I can't seem to balance this out.

Hey.

I really cannot find my Ying and Yang right now.
What i meant is that, I can never find a balance to blog or do a vlog at the same time.
Anyways, I am here to blog about something on a local context because I think if I vlog this, it would not be understandable
to the wider communities called the Non-singaporean people.

So, fasting month had begun and I am still alive and surviving. At the same time, I am reminded of the poor and how their life goes about without food and water,
Thus, this particular holy month of ramadan, I sure know how bless I am. So I should stop the BITCHING about life. LOL.

There's nothing much to blog, actually, because I am out of stories to tell.

The thing is, I had alot to tell when I was working.
Maybe because there not much to do that day.

Well, anyways, I got to go. Not that I am rushing anywhere that is.... Just that my brain has become faulty with all the drawings in school.
So, bye.

These Four Walls

It doesn't have my face.

Credits to LisaMond

I am going crazy on my Mac book!

Please listen to this....i am beggin. Then please comment either in my youtube or my tag...Please!!!

A cover. I did it. It's me.

please listen. PLEASE. IT'S DIFFERENT. I SWEAR.

Nuff Said. Sing along now.

Do it.
press PLAY.