Hey people.....as you can see i have made my blog a music video blog. There's a few music vid that I've put for your entertainment....So why you might asked that I am still awake so late in the morning? Well, cause I can't sleep, ha ha ha, I know lame reason, right? Anyway, tomorrow there is school. I do not feel like going though. It's going to be a freaking long day and I am so going to be tired as the reason is why I am still able to write in so late at night

Well, today or tonight, whichever you guys prefer, I am going to talk about accepting who you really are. So I am a fat girl, I would never deny it and I am not going to say that when I was younger that I felt I was not beautiful. That would be a lie. Almost everyday in my secondary school life, I felt like I was the most ugliest being on earth. I am ashamed of it, I must say but it is part of growing up, I guess. People keep telling me I had a beautiful personality. But it was never enough. Guys I've been crushing on reject me without even wanting to know me. I felt like I was cursed. I cried. Crying might have help me but it did not heal me properly.

Up until recently, when I look at myself in the miror, I see how beautiful I am. Eventhough I am fat, there's nothing wrong with that. I can lose the weight if I want to and I know I can. I will. But I still see that I am beautiful and I don't have to try so hard to get guys to like me or even may one day love me because I found the remedy for my broken soul....I need to love myself and tell myself everyday that I am beautiful and so I did. I never felt so happy in my life.

Of course, it would help if you have amazing friends around you. My friends have been nothin but supporting me. They, too, I believe, can see the beauty in me and I love them for making me feel great all the time.

To all the girls who are not happy with themselves no matter what the reason. Be it being fat or being thin. If you're not happy, take a look at yourself in the mirror. A long look. See the beauty in you and if you hear voices saying that you're not beautiful....SHUT THEM OUT. People who have problems with others have big insecurity about themselves. They're not happy with their own body and face that they taunt others to feel superior. Trust me, embrace your beauty and soul. You will feel so much better like you never felt before. I am living proof.

Hey peeeps.....I am having a bad tempered mood today and I just had a major fight with my friend....and he is pisssed with me. Not that I am not sad, but i couldn't take it any longer. I hope my message will get through his head anyway....It's hard and harsh but he has to come to reality. Anyway, I have done some of my homework, though I never finish it. Did I tell you I have finish my MALAY project? Yeah, finally done with it. It was not fun though I have to admit. The project was kind of rushed. Pretty pathetic, if you asked me.

Anyway, I have put two music video here. It's nice tho. I love 'break you' especially. Really really cool. So i have not much to say....so I just write a poem.

P.S To Y.J
sorry u became my victim of my pms.

It's not my fault
I have been your friend all this time
It's not my fault
I tried to tell you It's not fine

You keep telling me again
It's not your fault
We end up finishing
Our friendship

I hurt you and I am sorry
But if that is the only way
To make you see
Then I have nothing to say

How could you say
That I am insulting you
How could you say
Everything that was not true

Well, I don't think
We can mend anymore
This is it.

Hey, ppl! Check out my great blog! I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! Thanks to christine of course! ha ha! She took the time to help me do all this stuff, it's so great. I mean this is total me, you know. A Harry Potter FREAK. So what happened today? Alot of yawning and fustration! Firstly it was Management Of Business in the freaking morning and I was so bored out that i don't understand anything at all. Then Pansy (Hafizah) wrote me a letter. And we started our fantasy argument (the usual Harry Potter vs. Draco Malfoy). It's lame, but it was fun. I had great fun in the end. Then after that we went for....I totally forgot. Then Nisa and I discussed about malay project. Wow, I hope I did at least a decent job on the mother tongue and tomorrow, ONE PROJECT DOWN! Now, don't be too happy for me. There's like 5 more projects and they have ridiculous timeline. I am going bonkers in this school. It's draining my strength away and I am supposed to able to handle the stress right now...I am freaking 19.

Oh yeah, talking about age brings me to the date of my birthday; 23 September. Guess what? It's the day before promos examination! Such luck bestowed upon the PRINCESS POTTER. You know, I've been thinking that maybe, right, Joanne Katherine Rowling should tell more about what happened to Harry's career....I think he's the minister of magic...huhuhuhuhuhuhu!
He should be. ok....I am being ridiculous....SHOULD JUST STOP BEING A FREAK!

BUT I CAN'T!

To That Someone...Who seriously Have a Problem With ME being FAT

So hi.....Ok the title, I will explain later...too happy to think about that. Anyways, two days ago my life was complete. Wanna know why? Well, J.K Rowling last Harry Potter series has finally reach the ending. (people who are reading this blog right now and is reading Harry potter and the deathly hallows...please shut this down now...I don't want to spoil it for you)



The ending.....it was amazing and scary. Beautiful though, but there were alot of bump and bruises along the way. It is, i assure you, the most most most darkest book. I love every part of it. You will never get bored of it. HARRY WAS THE ONE WHO DIED AND WAS REVIVED AGAIN. FYI, not only two character who died. J.K Rowling might have wrote only 18 chapters when she said that to the press and the news about the last book because more than 2 people died....here's the list:
Alastor "Mad-Eye" Moody
The Minister of Ministry of Magic
Nymphadora Tonks Lupin
Teddy Tonks
Remus Lupin
Fred Weasley (OMG!!!!!!!!)
Colin creevey
Hedwig (Yup, be shock....she did not even spare that poor owl's life)
Dobby The Free House Elf
The heroes who died while battling the DEATH EATERS from Hufflepuff, Slytherin, Ravenclaw and most definitely GRYFFINDOR.
The teacher who thought MUGGLES STUDIES in Hogwarts wittchcraft and wizardry
Grindewald (The DARK wizard that Dumbledore faught.)
Crabbe (Draco's Malfoy pathetic sidekick....he kinda killed himself actually....casting a cursed fire around and got fried in the end. HOW STUPID WAS THAT? But I don't think anybody really cares about him. Anyway.)
Dirk and a few goblins.
The wand maker For Durmstrung Boys....I forgot his name.


For your great relieve.....
Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Luna, Seamus, Neville and Dean did not die. More to the interesting part........Hermione and Ron got married and had children and Harry and Ginny too. It was a great ending. A happy one. A deserving series. I cannot imagine anyone who want Voldemort or more to say TOM RIDDLE...(I dare....) win and there was no ending. I think J.K Rowling would get killed and the sales would definitely drop. People would tell and people would be tooo appalled to read an ending that doesn't has one. I think KIDS who stayed all night just to read more that 5000 pages in total would be devastated. And, come on guys, it was a children books in the beginning until we, the adults, started craving for a fairytale. So, I think everyone should be sastified.

To J.K Rowling,
You are the most amazing writer I have ever come across. I cannot thank you more how the HARRY POTTER SERIES has change my life and views of life. How friendship and courage and definitely LOVE proves to be the greater powers of all powers. I was not your fan when you first published the books. I did not even took notice and I am most definitely ashamed of it. I only got to know about the HARRY POTTER SERIES until my friend put that stuff right beneath my nose and made me read it. I can't thank that friend more cause if he had not done that, I would not have knew this amazing skills of yours to pull me through the rough time I had. J.K Rowling your beloved skills and books would be missed. It's sad to know that no more book after this would come out but if you are reading this (which is at great odds) i want to thank you again. YOU CREATED A LEGEND.

To That person On the TITLE.

Just because you're perfect,
Does not give you the right,
To insult me behind my back.

Just because you're beautiful,
Does not give you the right,
To laugh at my beautiful flaws.

Just because you're not fat,
Does not give you the right,
To make me uncomfortable

Just because guys are chasing after you,
Does not, in anyway, give you the right,
To look so smug and arrogant.

Please look at yourself in the mirror,
I know it's horrible when you do,
You're scared if i speak,
I am definitely much more beautiful,
THAN YOU.

To my friends....you know who I am talking about....he he he.

Yesterday.............A day to never forget!

Yesteday, the day that I saw Ian McKellen......The guy who act in X-men and LOTR. It was a play called King Lear. I basically understand the first few part but after awhile.....I totally lost track of time. It was a surreal blur. But i do get some part. And when shakespeare decided to have a tragic play....he really mean it. All the character died in the end....except for Edgar and a few servant. I think Kent went to kill himself. I am not sure, I have to read the play to understand.
So then the play ended at 11:45...Almost all transport were gone. But there were some bus home left....I could take it. But for Isabella, it was kinda problem. But, i didn't wait to see what happened....I am such a bad friend. Haiz. I apologized for thinking about myself.........to Isabella. So, all in all....the only good thing that happened is that i saw a super star...even that was so far up and i could not even see his face.....hmm...maybe it's not a good thing after all!

hey I am back with my story

sO....I took one day to actually re-think the story....So anyway, this dude(if u haven't read the story below, u should be ashame of yourself!) name was Jeff, and amazingly, he was a muslim, which i don't know why is so surprising to me. Maybe i am too much a bimbo! ha ha ha....so i guess all the four of us look like nice people so he decided to chat with us, which was cool cause we learnt so much from him...like firstly he was a paramedic so he gave us suggestion tips on what to do if we have problem with our body. i have no problem except the fact that my body extra fat and i know the solution to it so i did not ask him anything at all. So like the saying always goes, TIME FLIES WHEN YOU'RE HAVING FUN. next thing i knew we were talking and it was already 8:45 pm. so the girls started to pack and we went to the toilet leaving YJ with Jeff. so when we were out of the toilet...christine look at the arrival tv and saw a flight from korea...being a DBSK obsessed fan, she seriously thought of them(i read her blog) and so we waited......and waited......and waited.....no DBSK. ha ha ha...and we went back home....leaving Jeff...even though we look like university student, all of us didn't thought of a way to keep in contact with Jeff...not even asking for E-MAIL! How smart was that? So that's about the event that happened on saturday.
So what happened TODAY?
Not much...YJ didn't came cause his wisdom tooth "conveniently" needed attention and so...he plucked out the wisdom tooth and do not need to come to school for a WHOLE WEEK! So it is just the gals and me. Then, we had our lesson in school and we didn't do any project for 2 days and tomorrow there's this stupid movie that we're all supposed to go at esplanade. What a waste of time, seriously. And on SATURDAY, THE BOOK HARRY POTTER WILL BE RELEASED AND I AM GOING TO HAVE IT! I wonder what's going to happened. I really hope Harry won't die. Please just make it a HAPPY ENDING. It's just the right thing to do, J.K Rowling....It's a 7 series book for heaven sake.
You know i asked alot of people if they're excited for the MOST anticipated book....not many of them cared!
AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES SOOOOO MUCH OF WHAT WILL HAPPPENED TO HARRY POTTER IN THIS FREAKIN SCHOOL?

I Think I just DELETED everything...haiz.

Hey there Peeps! It's been a short day today and I am home so early. So i thought to change my blogskin...It seems like a smart move...but seriously, it was not. I think I've lost everything I ever wrote in this blog...well now i guess i have to start anew, haven't I? So let's start by the story last saturday. It was the day where my literature group wanted to discuss about the project. So yours truely decided to meet at dhoby ghaut station. But it was all a distorted process, cause christine"don't worry, by september, I will have my phone" was impossible to get contact. I met YJ first, as usual....sloppy as always and so we waited. So, if anyone know YJ and I, they should know that we cannot stand the sight of each other and so, being the girl that has nothing better to do, started to shoot YJ with all my nonsense and believed it or not guys, YJ actually entertained by defending himself....which is, of course, pathetic. So in the midst of me winning my argument with YJ, my phone rang and christine voice cam through. I could hear she was abit pissed having waited about 1/2 hour. Then the three of us waited for Isabella. She came an hour later....but she told us before hand so it was cool....anyway, my brilliant idea backfired again by me making a decision to study at P.S! Being a weekend, i was to blind to see the signs that people would want to go shopping! Amazingly stupid...i felt like a total BIMBO. Anyway, we went to the airport instead. So we wasted alot of time...seriously. So Christine suggest we go another terminal, cause the terminal we were in were awfully crowded...but that decision was a dreadful mistake. Why? Well, this terminal was just as crowded and even more noisier...but we settled anyway...our project was literally shouting at us.
So then we're doing our stupid project, hate it, hate it, hate it. Then, suddenly, some guy asked us if he thought the speech he made were good for his students. when he was talking, I FELT LIKE I WAS IN BIMBO WORLD. I understood nothing. So christine asked if he ws teaching a University students and he answered yes.
"I think they will understan...cause we're not university student." Christine said.
"Oh, Ok" said the small dude. You know what that means? The four of us look like UNIVERSITY STUDENT!
And yet, here i am struggling with my school.....write in later to finish this story....
It's a long one.

Omg!!! Today was an amazing day...well everything did not realy turn out rite but we (Isabella, Christine, Y.J and me) had so much fun! Well, we did get something out for the lit project. We got what each character was supposed to be and then we found a new friend. Jeff. He's nice u guess....we talk alot. Mostly it was guys vs girls...and as we all know, Y.J always losing in the end..thanks to mui....hahaha. Ok, i think i sound evil. But nevermind. well, all of us talk about different topic. Like marriage. Wow, I hope to get married. i hope someone does wanna marry me. Marriage would be a nice step to take with someone u truely love. someone u wana give ur soul to. Haiz.....what a beautiful life would that be? Amazing i guess.

But anyway, let's talk about another topic. Harry potter!!!! I went to watch the movie on the public premier. I am not trying to be biased here but i really feel strongly that it is the best movie ever produce by any other director for Harry Potter movie series. It's not a children flick anymore. It's dark and intense. I have to admit they change quite a few stuff....but the point of the story was still there and it's seriously difficult to put more that 700 pages into a 2 and half hour movie. You've got to give David Yates the credit! So if anyone wanted to watch Harry Potter...do it fast! you won't be dissappointed! Trust me!

Omg...I think yesterday entry was so overrated. I really didn't know what i was feeling...but i definitely was feeling down. That's why death was on my mind. I just reviewed one of my classmate's Blog. It was so sad...and here I thought that My family is the only one having problem. The only one in the world that is feeling that DOOOM DAAAY is going to happen the next minute. I never thought i was so wrong.....I just read Max(MY CLASSMATE) Blog.....and I was taken by surprise...Max, is a smiley guy...i would never thought he had a lot of problems...but he does. I won't say what his problem is cause it's his privacy...so if u want to know u have to be friend of his....cause i am. Anyway that's not my point of writting this blog....After reading Max's blog, I finally see that other people DO have problem and yet they're still smiling. I think from now, I am going to look at life in a different light. The positive side. It's hard, I know but I am still going to try. Compared to the problem Max is having......Mine is nowhere close to him. Now I feel like being SUPERWOMAN or a GENIE. Give everyone in the world 3 wishes....this is actually making me smile....i can't believe this....

I am so lost. I feel like crying all the time. Life is not doing good for me. I am, for sure, going to brak down soon. I don't "fit in" in class. I wis things were better for me....I can't like anyone because there's a voice inside my head that keeps repeating I ain't good enough for him. Heck, ain't good enough for anyone....
I feel so depressed in clazz...if it wasn't for Isabella....I would be a goner...for sure. Thank God. Bless her soul for me, Allah SWT.
So I have been thinking that I might commit suicide soon....but that's just my thoughts.....good day everyone.

hello...wow! It's been ages since i wrote in here...Election's over!!! It was interesting wasn't it!!!! I was holding my breath when the annoucement for Aljunied GRC....Man, it was a close fight between PAP and WP. But i won't say further.... I am only 18....What do I know? But, i am glad with the result, personally...Anyway, it was realy interesting! I, for a first time, actually like the campaign. I followed news.....AND I NEVER WATCH THE NEWS. Well anyway, it was all for a good cause, right? So guess how my life is going on...well, it is ok. Nothing happened. Very boring. Exa is going to be over tomorrow.....i am quite confident i am going to get A2 for mathematics.....I am sure of that Literature is going to be doomed...it's going to be a C5 or more. Shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! For the first time..Exams are not tough but extremely boring! I seriously hate my class...I hate NADIA!!!! gosh, just because she got a firece eyebrow means i am scared of her???? Get a grip ok? I wish i could just....i better not say, if not what i said can be use againts me in the court of law!!!!! well, anyway i feel sick, because i should be in POLYTECHNIC. so so so so so so so sick. I need a break.
So, i feel like i should just take off school and just startmy career!!!!i wanna be a host, of a tv presenter or anything in the entertainment media. i wanna work for lime!!! i wanna be an entertainment journalist. I can go and interview all my stars! Especially Justin Timberlake... I'll go Bonkers!! i will dream as follows.
I go to the interview room. There he is Justin. SO HOTTTTTT!!!!!!
Me: Hello. I am shilla, from lemon magazine. How's your day.
Justin: You are so beautiful.
Me: Ha ha ha! I am not sure of that. So, what is it like to be a sex symbol?
Justin: Am i? I didn't know...You are really beautiful
Me (blush like crazy): Yeah, so what would you say about your new album, Not justified?
Justin: Hmm, it's partially rap and ballad. Not alot of people do that. I don't know what's happening but i think you are really beautiful
Juatin takes me in his arms....and we flew to the garden of love......
HA!!!! LIKE THAT WOULD HAPPENED TO ME!!! I THINK I AM SERIOUSLY GOING CRAZY!!!SOMEBADY SAVE ME FROM THIS MADNESS! I AM GOING TO BONKERS. OH NO....I HAVING A headache....panadol please.....

Don't Kiss And TeLL...It is So not cool

I cannot believe BOYS! hah! I mean seriously who do they think they are? Why do they even kiss and tell? I bet they think it's totally awesome when in fact it make the look stupid. Okay, Boys if u wanna kiss and tell, do it. But not in BLOGS!!! God, telling your friends is one thing....but telling the whole world? Now that's beyond foolish. REAL MAN don't do this. They definitely don't go around saying, "I slept with her. And her. And her." Haiz...what is happening to this world? Maybe because Kiamat is near. And BOYS please...we do not need details about your sex life. I mean puuuurrrrllllleeeeaaaasssseeee.....IT IS DISGUSTING! ARGH! So all the boys and pervs oout there... i think all of you need a life.

I miss you....SO much...but you never ever...hear me...why? Do you really hate me? What have i done? Why are you hurting me so much, especially when you r doing nothing about us?? I STILL LOVE YOU. I do A'sri......I need you to calm me down...to hear my tears...to laugh with me....i need you in my life....i cannot let you go. I don't know why? Am i being punished for just loving you?

well...what a day it has been!!!!!!wow...o's coming soon and i am not worried....that is why i am worried coz i am not scared!!! that is totally freaking!
i hate it!!!!!!! nothing's working out for me....i am still stuck with my past....you know once o level over i am going to jump!


jump out of joy that means.....

hey peeps!!!!you today is the most freaking dissapointed day of my life!!!!!!!!!i hate it! i got a b3 for mother t!!! can u believe it. expecting a 2 but in the end get three....sob sob sob!!!! help! but anyway not that disappointed though! ha ha ha ha considered quite good already. so far been just pass for me...now b3...not bad..... anyway...i'll be coming back tml...ok...be blogging again. so bye!

MAKE IT CHIRPY, MAKE IT COOL
EVERYONE DESERVE TO LIVE
GUESS WHAT?
SO DO YOU!!!
YEAH!


WHY CAN'T U?
I'M LAYING IN MY BED
THE TEARS RUSHING DOW LIKE A RIVER
SO MAMY MEMORIES SWIRLING MY HEAD
COULD YOU CRY ME A RIVER?

WHY CAN'T U JUST B TRUE?
Y CAN'T U B MINE?
NOW MY HEART BROKEN IN TWO
MY LIFE IS AT THE MERCY OF TIME

I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT RIGHT NOW
I AM ALL ALONE W/O U
THE SHOWS OVER AND U'RE TAKING A BOW
I CAN'T BELIEVE U SAID WE'RE THROUGH

Y CAN'T U JUST LOOK AT ME?
LOOK AT WHAT U'VE DONE TO ME
Y CAN'T U JUST LOVE ME LIKE U DID?
IS THERE ANOTHER BESIDE ME?

NOW I STUMBLE ON EVERY STEPS
I CAN'T STAND TALL
IF THIS IS CALL MY LIFE AT BEST
I CAN'T IMAGINE ANOTHER FALL

it has been like half a year!

hey peeps.....what's up? i hope everything is going well for you. well one thing is for sure....i am mending a broken heart...if you dunno what i am talking abt...go to my other blog: www.shillchill.blogspot.com
well...read from there and you will know my condition. well right now...i am this freaking chatting room...where i can totally kill my brain. Firstly, i totally dun understand why Muhammad 'Asri is totally giving me a cold shoulder when i should be the one doing that. but nevermind.....life has it's ups and down...one day i tell you!!!!!!!!!one day! haiz so sick.....fine bye for now

Hey there peeps! How are you guys doing? I hope you all are as fine as I am!... So what should I write in here? Right now, I am feeling kinda bored and well....tired. I don't know why, but lately I've been feeling tired most of time... Is that signs of DEATH? I am not even going to think about it. So...Have you all ever think about lies and truth? I mean alot of people would say that by saying the truth...problems can be solve honestly but it doesn't gurentee anything right? What about lies? True, lies can break u slowly. Even if a problem is solve..it might spoil the future. But what if both of it is dangerous? I've been thinking about it..Truth and Lies are both dangerous in the same way...what if you hear the truth and it's not good? A lie is always not good anyways...

My new Entry!!

Hello There ppl! This is my first entry here. I've spoilt my blogspot and now I am doing a new one. So this is my new one. Hope all of you guys out there like it here. I like it here cause now, I've got a new skin. Which is of cool! So what do I write in here? Well, I should start by saying that I've come to conclusion that nobody will hire me. So I am going to enjoy my Holidays to the maximum. Hari raya is coming and i can't wait! Finally, we don't need to fast anymore but i am sad because this is the holiest monts and it's already leaving us. But syawal is coming and we all can celebrate! Lately, I've been really confused with my self. I find out that I am a person filled with self belief but yet I am haunted by self doubt. Does that make sense? I don't think so. Haiz...I am so confused. That's what I've learnt in the hols...Man, my N level results is coming and it's hauting me to death!! I am really at my wits end if i don't pass.... Well...That's all I have to say for now. And for now... you fuys can tag me...at my tag board...please leave ur name then email...alright!